Monday, December 31, 2007

Being efficient is the key!

We have been home with Brady 6 days now. We're slowing adjusting. Things are being moved around the nursery and the house to save time.
  • We discovered the best way to dress the baby for night to make diaper changes go even faster. He wears no onsie, a gown instead of jamies with legs, and a sleep sack- he always kicked off his swadle and we were constantly redoing it and wondering if our baby was freezing.
  • He was sleeping in the basinet in our bedroom at first- but he grunts, and squeeks in his sleep- I wake easily, so he is in his crib happy. I am happy to.
  • I try to sleep as often as he sleeps. Which is the advice everyone gives me- but almost impossible in the early days with visitors stopping by. Now that the newness has worn off, it is working!
  • The best time for me to make my phone calls is when nursing- sorry for the slurpy noises!
  • Since nights are pretty much 100% on me unless I am too exhausted, then I wake Chris- he gets to handle pretty much everything but the feedings of Brady during the day.

I have been having a few weepy days- dont ask me what I am crying about, because I dont know! And I cant stop the tears! It really helps not be so sleep deprived! I still have some pain from the c-section too, and wish I was able to be more mobile.

The breastfeeding has been easy yet hard. Easy because Brady and I are good at it, he latches well and gets plenty to eat. Hard because it is a lot on a mom! All feedings are 100% on me. Brady is a a cluster feeder right now- he nurses (which takes an hour), then sleeps for about an hour, and that cycle continues for 4-6 feedings. Then suddenly he will sleep a long stretch of 3-5 hours. And the next cluster cycle starts. The lactation counselor says this shouldnt last much more then 2 weeks- I hope!

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Birth story

On Friday, 12-21 we went in for induction. Cervix was not favorable, but were hoping to make it. Dr. inserted meds by cervix and we waited. 4 hours later there was absolutely no progress made. Cervix was had not softened, or dilated, I was still 70% effaced.

Around 1pm pitocin was started and my water was broken. Gradually contractions started. Occasinally the babies heart rate would drop, but recover quickly. At 6:30 they checked me, I was about 3.5 cm’s, cervix had not softened a bit, and baby had not dropped yet. So I asked for the epidural. When I got up to pee before the epidural, there was a huge gush of fluid with miconium. The dr. was concerned because of how it looked. (not sure what this was about) I got the epi, and the babies heart rate dropped again. I was put on oxygen, and I felt horrible- nausea, shakes and light headed. Dr. stopped the pitocin and both baby and I were back to normal about an hour later- but no contractions and no progress. The dr. suggested the c-section at this time. He was concerned about both me and baby with starting the pitocin. He said if it was really important to me to delivery the baby vaginally we can continue, but he felt the way things were going there was a 90% likelihood that we would end in a c-section. Both with me and babies response to pitocin, didn’t think we could handle it for hours; and my cervix being still unfavorable and baby being high. So, I agreed to the c-section.

I got prepped right away, I was so scared. I told the dr.’s and nurses all my fears (the sounds, the smells, and the tugging that I would feel). The epidural made me shake, that was such a horrible feeling. I was crying really hard too. I asked them to knock me out, and they said it would be better for the baby to not knock me out till after he/she was delivered. Chris came in soon and held my hand and wipe my tears. The anesthesiologist put an oxygen mask on me, and helped calm me too. I told the anesthesiologist I felt nauseous, he gave me something in my iv, but soon I was vomiting, the great anesthesiologist held a baggie up for me, and then wiped my face and put a wash clothe on my head. (he was GREAT!) A nurse was 2 months prego, and soon she was vomiting too. Chris kept me distracted and as calm as he could thru the c-section.

Before I knew it, the dr. asked daddy if he wanted to look over the curtain and see his baby be pulled out. Chris smiled while watching, and we heard the doctor say “it’s a boy!” Within a couple minutes they gave our son to daddy to carry back to be checked out. A few minutes later Chris brought the baby to me to see, then they went back to our room to wait for the surgery to be finished. I was rolled back in, and continued to shake and vomit while the spinal wore off. I never did ask again to get knocked out, so I was conscience the whole time. After the c-section was over I thought, that wasn’t as bad as I was expecting.

Brayden Keith weighed 7lbs, 8 oz, and 19” long. He was born at 8:58 pm on 12/21. He has a full head of hair! He took to breastfeeding really well and is a hungry little guy! Lucky for him, my milk came in 3 days after he was born. We came home on x-mas day and are in love with our son.

Friday, December 21, 2007

to excited to sleep!

That line takes me back to when Chris and I went to vegas 2 summers ago. We barely slept because we were too excited to sleep.

I actually slept well last night for being 41 weeks prego- thanks to my friend Tylonol PM. ;-) Now I am starving and wide awake, waiting for 7am to roll around. My biggest concern for today- LOL- that I will be hungry and thirsty... I dont think I am gonna get anything to eat. And the ripening of the cervix can be a lengthy realitively pain free progress.

Chris and I were all smiles last night. Cant wait to meet our baby shortly.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

eviction notice served!

OMGosh, so much to do! this will be a short post today. Had my dr. appointment this morning... DR. came in, we were ready to plead our case for inductiuon- and he says "I've set youup to be induced tomorrow"! YAY! we are so happy! He will be our Dr. too.

Well, we have a list of things we want to get done today.... maybe I will blog more later if I have the time.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

41 week dr. appointment early tomorrow

Chris is taking me, for emotional support. If that dr. tells me we are waiting and see what happens in another week I am gonna strangle him! (that's why Chris is going!)

Wow, I am a woman of few words today (rare!). Just hoping things work out as they should and for the best for baby and me!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

empty handed maternity leave

That's what I am calling it! My empty handed maternity leave. Today I felt really good. I did some mega shopping! Got a new micro for the kitchen, moved the old one down to the basement living room/bar. Chris thinks he can live down there now! I got some cushions for the chairs too, and some decor for the kitchen. And FINALLY! I found a lamp shade for my antique crystal lamp. Not exactly what I wanted, but it looks good. Not what that lamp originally had..... but it was really hard to find with with a harp that was that long!

Chris starts his leave tomorrow. His empty handed paternity leave. Gosh, I hope we dont drive each other crazy waiting for baby!

My 4 year old neice has this baby figured out. All along she has said that it's a girl. Yesterday she decided that it has to be a boy, because a girl would never take this long to get here! She also thinks I need to tell the baby how to get out...... I'll work on that one! Maybe we'll start with a flashlight?

Sunday, December 16, 2007

All sorts of Ramblings

I can't believe my sister's kids havent lost interest yet. They ask thier mom multiple times a day"is the baby here yet?!" They are young and dont quite understand what's happening... the middle one asked me once while shopping if I "ever look up to see the baby". I knew better then to ask her what she meant by that! Anyway.... I have just about lost interest in wondering when this baby will get here!

I am still hoping soon (obviously!). Chris goes on vacation starting wednesday. I hope we dont end up with a week of just the two of us finding things to do waiting for baby! I'm officially on maternity leave as of yesterday. I can say that, most of the year I work weekends. Yesterday Chris finally put the shelves up in the closet of our office/craft room. And he is building a pantry in the basement today. I love having all this great storage! We do hope to have some time to go thru all our ~stuff~ in storage and orgnaize it all. I'm missing some things from when we moved 3 years ago!

Christmas is right around the corner. We really can't make plans except: if baby shows now or ASAP we might go spend x-mas with my family (2.75 hours north) and stay a few days(if we have gotten settled in and feel up to the trip). If baby shows later this week and we get home from hospital just a few days before x-mas we might go for x-mas dinner at Chris's parents. If baby shows just before x-mas and we dont feel up to traveling on x-mas or even like celebrating x-mas because we just got home or are in the hospital..... we are going to post-pone our christmas!

Friday, December 14, 2007

It's our due date!!!

I'm surprised I am at our EDD, I have always thought baby would be here by now! Hopefully this means a healthier, happier baby when he/she does arrive.

We'll just keep on waiting! In the meantime, I can't wait to meetour lil' girl or boy and introduce him or her to everyone.

Chris and I have been calling baby by name. No, I cant share it yet... but lets say the baby is Hilda or Henry. We call the baby Hilda or Henry when we refer to the baby. I have 2 images in my head- a girl that we call Hilda, and a boy we call Henry. I sort of feel like if the baby is Hilda, I am going to feel like I lost Henry. Almost like he's gone. (and the other way around) Dont know if that makes any sence to you, but it is a strange feeling. Wonder how I will actually feel when Henry or Hilda actually arrives.

Today is my last day at work, I am gonna get my work done and go home! So I best quit wasting time and get too it. For some reason, my mind isnt really into my work..... hmm, wonder why?

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

found some peace

I was really upset today, thinking this baby was never going to show! I cried lots more tears, and I think I ran out! My co-workers even saw my tears. I am due so soon, and no baby yet! Chris and I never even entertained the thought of either being pregnant for x-mas or in the hospital for x-mas. We always thought baby would he here before them. Christmas is right around the corner! It could happen, and we talked about if that were to happen that it would be ok. And, if it's a baby girl born on x-mas eve, or x-mas day.... her middle name would just have to be Noelle! Wonder if there is a boy's name that works well with christmas.... besides Jesus that is.

I left work early today, and got home the same time as Chris. He helped calm my tears, and rubbed my aching back. Then we talked tonight. He reminded me of what I truely believe in, and helped me get thru our months of trying to get pregnant. We both think that each life is meant to happen when it happens. Each of us is meant to enter this world when we do to the families we are born to. I strongly believe that. So I have to have faith that this little one will be here when he/she is supposed to be. Whether that is in the next few days, or x-mas day.

Yeah, with our lives things would work out best if he/she gets here now. I start maternity leave friday. Chris starts vacation Dec. 20th. We need to let things happen as they should and I need to stop getting upset about it! (ahh, this is just me! someone could have preached this to me over and over again..... and I dont really listen.... I needed to figure this out on my own!)

finding ways to pass the time

Waiting for baby is making Chris and I crazy! We fought so much last weekend, and I swear we are purposly irritating each other. We are just ready for baby, and we cleared our schedules just in case baby came early. Now each day is so long, and we are just sitting around. Week days aren't so bad... but the weekends are tourtore! Friday is my last day at work, and Chris is done with work next thursdays regardless of what baby decides to do.

So, I am making a list of what I can do to pass the time. Some things I just never had the time to do before.

Rewrite my messy recipe cards
Drive around looking at x-mas lights
Finish my tree skirt quilt
Read a long book
Rent some movies

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

life is easier today

I have had this negative slump going on for probably 5 days. And 2-3 of them were really bad with lots of tears. I woke up today feeling much more positive and happy. My body still aches, and I still have a huge baby in my belly; but I have that feeling that I can make it a few more days and it isnt so bad. It is amazing how a good frame of mind changes things. I really hope I can keep this mood! Life will be easier.

Monday, December 10, 2007

casino update!

We had fun! Chris and I asked he sister and husband, Shel and Cal, to come with. First we went out for dinner, and it was good. Chris's prime rib looked so good- I cant wait to eat raw meat! I love medium rare prime rib. Hmm... wonder if I can eat that while breastfeeding? Then we went to the casino. Chris lost, lost, lost. He did horribly. Shel did OK.... lost just a little, but won a little to make up what she had previously lost. Cal did OK, but I think lost a little too. I could not loose my money! I really did not win much, just $10, but I could not loose it either. It was lots of fun. Doesnt happen like that for me much!

Saturday, December 8, 2007

a new day

After my hormonal day yesterday, I am happy today is a new day. I am not a hormonal basketcase like I was yesterday!

Today Chris and I quickly cleaned up the house. When we woke up today, I told Chris my goals are the following: clean the bathrooms, the kitchen and the floors; and get the christmas tree in the house. And his goal today was to help me achieve my goals! If he was a good boy, we could go to the casino tonight. Goals are met! I worked so hard I can barely walk! OK- working hard for a girl that is 39.5 weeks prego is the following: washing hard floors with a machine (while Chris crawls around and scrubs the spots... maybe Oliver drool?), washing toilets and counters (while he..... hmmm.... dont know what he was doing at this moment- probably taking a break! oh yeah, he was vacuming all the other floors- thats too hard for me to do!) they got super scrubbed last week, so I got to cheat and just use lysol wipes. And flipping loads of laundry. All that work- I am beat.

We got the christmas tree in! Thank god I was here to supervise. It is bitter cold out, so chris brought the tree into the house, and the chainsaw to cut the bottom. He was gonna cut the bottom of the tree off in the entry way of the house with a chainsaw. I said no way! it is gonna stink up the house. So, brilliant Christopher, opened the front door and put the base of the tree outside and left the top inside with the door open and cut the bottom off. Not only did he let the heat out.... all the chainsaw exhaust blew nicely into the house. Glad I made him do it outside.....

Since I promised Chris if he is a good boy we could go to the casino tonight I best go rest a little and get ready to go. He was such a good boy! ;-) Luckily the exhaust smell has gone away.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Low point

There has been some tears today. Here is where I am. To sum it up: bored with this stage of my life and ready for the next to start. Yeah, I think that sums it up.

Last night I was very achey and swollen, I knew the best place to be was laying around. It drove me crazy! I was so bored just laying there reading a magazine and watching TV.

That's all I have to say, I'd like to ignore my negativity and aquire some patience- otherwise these last days are going to be unbearable for me.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

not mentally prepared for this weather

I thought with a mid december due date, that I would be snug and warm in my house on maternity leave before the snow or the cold came. The last few years in WI, we havent had much snow or bitter cold to speak of before christmas. There is probably a foot of snow out there, and this morning it was about 10 below zero! I am in denial that I have to deal with this sort of weather, and winter driving. YUCK!

Seems that baby will be born with some snow though. This is how WI is supposed to be! Snow on the ground before Christmas.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

need to have baby now because.....

My only bra that fits is on its last leg and I refuse to buy one until my milk comes in! Baby, dont make me go bra-less! LOL. I do have 2 nursing bras that are packed, and I just dont want to take them out of my hosipital bag. I will go into labor when they are dirty, I just know it! For over a week now I have been suffering wearing and washing just 1 bra.

Can someone tell this baby which way is the way out? He/she thinks it is thru my ribs. He/she is hurting me.

I had my 39 week dr. appointment today. My dr. said the worst words ever "see you next week". He also said that I grow big patient babies. Still not what I wanted to hear! He said the baby is no longer 7lbs. Ugh. He did check my cervix, and it is thinning and a little dialated, baby is low too. So technical huh?

Monday, December 3, 2007

do dee, do dee

Just twidling my thumbs! I am so caught up at work and ready for maternity leave. I do have one more good sized project to complete, but I am waiting for others to evaluate it and give me input. We have a meeting in regards to it tomorrow morning. So.... thinking that means early day for me today! ;-)

Same situation at home.... things are all caught up and just waiting for baby to come. Maybe if I leave dirty dishes in my sink, or let the toilet get dirty I will go into labor? I am ready to try anything at this point in time!

Sunday, December 2, 2007

no baby yet

I think we are down to 12 days till our EDD. No baby yet, but so ready for this part of my life to end and the next part to begin. Call me strange, but I must have wished for my water to break at least 10 times so far this weekend. It all does seem a bit strange, thinking of how our lifes will never be the same again. Everything we do we will have to consider how it effects this new life.

But it looks like this baby will be born with some snow on the ground! Chris is happy because he got some over time this weekend. We got a ton of snow, and he got called in to plow at 3am. He thinks he will get 12 hours.... so far he has 8 hours in.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Lovely timing

Chris works for the city street department. He does blasting occassionally. And sometimes people hire the city to do blasting work. Which is what just happened. A cranberry marsh about 20 minutes out of town hired the city to do blasting for them. They have about 2 weeks worth of work.

Normally, Chris works within the city. Close to home. He doesnt have a cell, but I can call the garage, and they can get a message to him quickly. At this job site he will be hard to contact. He got a phone number for the marsh manager, I can try that number if I go into labor. I know the name of the marsh, and I can call the city garage if I gotta get ahold of him. Worse case scenario, I will call the county police! LOL. He is driving his own truck tot he job site too. So once he gets the message, he should have about an hour to the hospital. (vs. 20 minutes to his truck, then an hour to the hospital) So, we put all out stuff in the truck this morning!

The hospital we are delivering at is in the town I work in. About an hour from home. Just yesterday my boss asked if I would be more comfortable working from home. Not anymore! I am better off at work, in the town where I will be deliverying my baby. Rather then at home with Chris a long ways away hard to get ahold of. We dont know many people that are home during the day either.

Things will work out.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Ready to meet Baby!

Now we sit and play the waiting game. When will baby come? How will it happen? I hope my water just breaks. Then there is no question I am in labor. For some reason I worry that I wont know, or wont know when to go to hospital.

I think things are progressing. Almost 4 weeks ago the baby started dropping into my pelvis. In the last couple days I have been losing parts of my mucus plug. Very gross, but still progress. The Dr. thinks baby will be here within a week, or 2 at most. So, before my EDD of Dec. 14. I don't want to put out of my mind that baby might be here later... just so I am not disapointed, or angry when baby isnt here before my EDD.

My mind is so consumed in baby this, and baby that these days.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Black Friday Shopping

Normally on the day after Thanksgiving, I am out shopping as soon as the doors open. I have each store planned out, I run and grab what I need and get to the checkouts pretty darn fast! Then off to then next store.

Yesterday Chris took me shopping. I woke before 6 (stores open at 6! some earlier!) and he woke about 6:45. We made it to Target at 7:30 (normally I am back home from shopping at 7:30!), where the lines were SO long for checkouts that we left and did some other shoppping and came back. We were stilll able to get the stuff we wanted. We barely bought any gifts yesterday... more so stuff for us that was a great deal.

It was nice having him join me this year in the shopping... just different way of shopping. We are enjoying our 4 day weekend together. After shopping yesterday we layed around watching movies and napping! Today we are going to clean the house. Hopefully go to the grocery store too!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving!

A fellow pregger, due about the same time as me, pointed out that this will be our last holiday of just Chris and I. Because we are having this baby, our lives will never be the same.

I have to do a "what am I thankful for list!". Just have to!
1. I am so thankful to be starting a family. We have been wanting this for a couple years now, so we are thrilled things are finally falling into place and happening.

2. Christpher. He's a really good husband. Oh, yes, he has faults! (we wont go there right now) But I think we are a perfect pair. He has helped me out so much during this pregnancy, and I am so greatful for that!

3. My family. They are all fabulous! Supportive and understanding. Right there to help me/us anytime we need it!

4. My friends. Most are distant, but I love that we are staying in touch. We have a few nearby friends too who are there for us for anything we ask.

5. My job. I am finishing up season 4 here. I still like coming to work each day. I love the variety of things I do, and it is rewarding. I am greatful to go to a workplace that I enjoy.

I have plenty to be thankful for this holiday season!

Monday, November 19, 2007

to hope, or to hope not?

Chris's deer hunting tags are all filled! Usually he will hunt the last weekend anyway. I asked him this morning if he was still going to hunt this weekend or not. He said he would rather stay home then hunt! yay! I am so excited. He has been away the last 3 weekends, and 10 days in the month of november hunting. I am so ready for him to stay home with me.

So... do I hope we go into labor REALLY soon since we have this time off together and what better thing to be doing then bonding with baby? Or do I hope we don't go in to labor REALLY soon so we can have this great long weekend together... just the 2 of us?

Mom's, close your ears!

I just have to blog about pregnant sex! I envy you preggers out there that can continue to have a normal sex life. Prior to being pregnant, everyone said..... "just wait till you can have pregnant sex, it is so great"... or "she will want to do it non-stop!". Ummm, ok.

For the first 16 weeks, I had morning sickness. Between the nausea and exhaustion... there was no sex going on! Then from about week 17- 27ish..... my belly was getting bigger and Chris found that to be a big distraction. Knowing that his baby was in there freaked him out. Of course, I was scared the baby would get hurt too. Chris was petrified of getting kicked with his hand on my belly... so that freaked him too. During this last trimester- my WHOLE body hurts! I find the fat rolls on my ankles so unattractive! Simply moving is difficult enough. UGH, sex... why bother!

Now we are getting down to the last few weeks, and the thought that we cant have sex for around 6 weeks after baby comes makes us want to have sex. We will see what happens....

Friday, November 16, 2007

rifle deer season time

I shipped off Chris yet again to go hunting. This time MUCH closer then 10 hours away! He will be just 1.5 hours from me... and about 2 hours from the hospital if need be. As much as I want to go hunting, laying around sounds much better to me for the weekend.

For the first time since I went to Europe in 2000 I am not hunting. I have been going since I was somewhere between 12 or 14. Not sure the exact age, but if you ask my dad he will remember my first time hunting with him..... we just got into the tree stand, and I felt sick! Excited? nerves? Dont know, but I thought I was gonna yak! Of course I couldnt leave the tree, so I put my head down and rested for a while.

Hunting to me is time with Chris, my dad, my brothers. At hunting camp the guys do all the cooking! It is great. Hopefully the grandma's can do some baby sitting in the future so I can still do a little hunting. I hope our kids, both boys and girls, will enjoy hunting too.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

I hope I dont get it!

Everyone at work is sick! There is all sort of junk going around, and I am so scared I am gonna get it. My days are already difficult and long, add being sick on top of it..... NO!!! I have completely dried my hands out with antibactieral hand sanitizer. Hope the weekend comes and everyone gets better and I dont get it!

Started packing my hospital bag last night. I have a list of what I need to buy (very small list!) and a list of what I need to pack that I use day to day. I still have to pack my coming home outfit too. The little bit of paperwork that needed to be filled out is done too. We did not hang the nursery decor last night..... hopefully tonight!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

1 month till our EDD!

Crazy, that it is just one month to our due date. Baby will probably be here 2-6 weks from now!

My appointment was nice yesterday, I asked lots of questions about my pain and problems. They are so helpful. They asked lots of questions too. My Dr. said my blood pressure is great, and my weight gain is ~perfect~. He likes to say that. The baby's head is down.... way down (but I already knew that!) and the doctor doesnt think the baby is huge. Average to just above average size. He gave me permission to start wishing the baby out at 37 weeks. So! Thanksgiving day I start wishing the baby out! I would much perfer the baby in my arms these days!

I hurt a lot this morning. So I snuggled up with Chris instead of getting ready for work. The baby wasnt really moving till Chris's hand was on my belly. I thought that was cute. He liked it too.

When I got home from work last night Chris was in the nursery. He unpacked the diaper genie, and smelled it. He loves that thing, esp the smell of it. He tried it out with some trash. Then he went thru the baby stuff and checked it all out and rearranged it a bit. He was all smiles. I asked if he was nervous, and he said No. He is ready for baby to be here. Tonight we are gonna hang the wall decor! I should really get my bag packed too, and all that paperwork filled out.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

no making plans

Shortly I leave for my 36 week appointment. 36 weeks! holy crap! Where is the time going? I have been nervous and losing sleep at night with thoughts.

I'm a planner. I like to know what is happening when. This whole childbirth thing- you really cant plan too much of it. So this waiting and wondering is quite difficult for me. Maybe I will feel better once we get the nursery 100% done. All the bags packed. And that stack of paper work finished too. That should all be done by the end of the week.

The not being able to plan is good for me. I sure that with kids things aren't always going to go according to plan and we will need to go with the flow. I am going to have to be ok with that.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Double Chin!

Up until now, I did not feel fat. Basically I have gained a pound a week. So right now I am 35 weeks, and I have gained 34 pounds. Dr. says "perfect". I feel like that is a lot, but he says this is healthy and "perfect".

Ok.... Let me just chime in a funny story. For those of you that know Grandma Rose, I hope you laugh (and please dont take offense!).... this is SO grandma Rose. LOL. When I was around 27 weeks, she asked how much weight I had gained. I told her 25 lbs, my dr is happy, and I really dont see it or feel like I have gained it. She said "look a little harder in the mirror, you'll see it". That didnt shatter my bubble, I still felt good and trust my Dr. I am eating healthy and I was ok with the weight gain. Grandma has always been very weight conscience and concerned about the health of her family.

Now, I am 35.5 weeks and I feel fat. I saw a double chin this morning in the mirror! AHHH! There really is nothing I can do now but feel fat. My current weight gain is honestly ok with me, and I feel I have eaten well to ~grow my baby good~. I will still be OK if I gain another 5 lbs before the baby comes (don't tell me this 7 months ago! I was freaked about weight gain!). So, here I am with my double chin feeling like a buffalo! But I am a happy buffalo, and that is all that matters to me.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Tough Day

Today is a tough one. I dont wanna sit, that hurts. I dont wanna stand, I feel like I am gonna fall. I am at work, so obviously I cant lay down. Just a few more hours till lunch, then I can rest in my car... then just a few more hours of the day left then I can lay down at home! These next few weeks are going to be hard, and take a lot of determination.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Feeling achey and some more pee talk!

I'm feeling quite achey today. I would give anything to be able to lie down all day. At the moment my neck aches the most, and my back, hips, and legs all hurt too. Excellent news! I slept well last night, only woke once at 3:30 to pee! I was all smiles when I saw the time and realized that it was my first bathroom trip all night. :-)

Chris should be leaving for WI tomorrow morning. Then spending the weekend at his parents getting ready for rifle deer hunting next weekend. I have accepted the fact that I wont be hunting this season. What are the chances that I am not gonna be achey on that one day and want to sit in a stand watching for deer? Right now laying down sounds much better! Or if I am feeling good, doing something else sounds better then sitting in a tree stand getting achey and peeing every 45 minutes.

I told chris over the phone yesterday that Thanksgiving is going to be at his sister and BIL's house, Shel and Cal. He is happy about that, and so I am I. This will be thier first family holiday to host- how exciting for them! This also means we only have to travel 3 miles for Thanksgiving, and I will be 37 weeks.... so that is wonderful!

My sister, Emily is coming to spend the weekend with me. We are gonna watch Knocked Up. I heard the delivery scenes are quite graphic, hope I dont get scared!

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Drink more water, and pee more often

That is my nurse's and Doctors answer to everything! A few months ago I was having lots of braxon hicks contractions.... the dr advised to drink more water and pee as soon as I have the urge. OK..... A while back I felt like I had a UTI, nurse said the same thing after my test came back negative. Today I called the nurse about the amount of pressure I am feeling and at the end of the day I feel like the baby is going to fall out (I know, its not THAT easy!) she said "drink more water to dilute the hormones, and pee more often so the uterus doesnt get irritated".

Maybe I am just being a little bit more paranoid about what I am feeling because Chris is gone. This baby just cant come this week! The nurse was very reassuring and told me what to watch for. The baby may be dropping even lower into my pelvis which is causing the discomfort. I am so happy with my OB/GYN dept. When I call with a question, I get transfered to a nurse who takes her time to answer my questions.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Karma biting me in the ass?

Read yesterday's post about kenneling Oliver to avoid coming home to accidents, vomit or him getting into something. He was great in his kennel all day, and he was being so good last night. He deserved a treat! I gave him one, within an hour he threw it up. I give up! (and I threw those treats away)

Monday, November 5, 2007

So far I am enjoying this week. Chris is bow hunting deer and I am relaxing. Only one lunch to make in the morning, only me to wake up... I am finding some extra time for myself in the mornings before I have to leave for work.

I am trying Oliver in a kennel during the day. I dont have the energy to come home to an accident, vomit, or something he got into. He will be fine, and safe in there all day. Chris has been opposed to this, and I have been wanting to do this. No one to stop me this week, and I see no reason why there should be any problems.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Eeekkk, mice!

Two nights ago I was snacking at my desk at work, and a mouse strolled in front of my hands..... less then a foot away! YUCK! I was so grossed out. Previously (before my food ban took place) I would eat something, leave it on my desk to go help a customer and come back to eat it later. Wonder if I was sharing that with mice.

Now, no food in the GC is allowed! My desk has been sanitized and after about 4 pm I turn up the music and go into a very open area so I can see them coming.

I think our house in Babcock has ruined me forever. There were so many mice, and no matter what we did they kept coming in. (house was condemned after we moved it.... it was just 10-15 years old, but on a wood foundation in a swamp!) I can handle spiders and snakes... just not mice. They are so disgusting!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Oliver scared me! my mind freaks me

Last night when I got up to use the bathroom, Oliver was sleeping right in the doorway. I wont crawl over him, so I nudged him to move. He wouldn't. I nudged him more, and actually shoved him with my foot a couple times. What the heck, he always moves! I thought he was dead! I flipped on the light and the crazy dog was looking at me wagging his tail.

Its amazing how my mind works... in those 5 or 6 nudges I had it worked out in my mind that he was dead in my doorway, and what are we gonna do with a dead dog in the middle of the night. How can he die in my doorway at just 4.5 years old? And he must have just died because he was still warm. I need to slow my mind down and relax a bit.

Monday, October 29, 2007

The baby did drop!

I had my 34 week apointment this week. At the last 2 appointments I was measuring 3plus weeks bigger then I should have been. This week I am 1 week big. Dr. felt for the baby's head and sure enough! The baby did drop into my pelvis last weekend! Dont know how significant this is, but it assures me that the baby is maturing and getting ready to come into the world.

Also at my appointment we were gonna do a flu shot. I mentioned I was ill the night before.... TMI ALERT!! with diahrea and nausea (diahrea cramps during pregnancy are horrible!!!! OUCH!). So they took my temp because if you have a fever you cant get the flu shot. I had a fever. They insisted I go home from work to rest and rehydrate my body. I did not feel that horrible at that time..... in the whole scheme of how I feel quite crappy on a day to day basis today wasnt so bad. But shortly I got more achey and noticed I was sweating and I have that fever headache too. So, I think it was for the best that I got alot of rest. I feel bad for putting work in a bind...... but I am 34 weeks pregnant and ill. It wasnt a good idea to fight out the day at work feeling ill.

I think my nurse and Dr. both enjoyed warming thier cold hands on my super hot belly.... It took them a long time to get thier measurments and feel for the babies head. LOL. I do have to say I enjoyed the cold hands on my hot belly! Time is flying. My next appointment will be in 2 weeks. After that I see them weekly till the baby is here. YIKES!

Friday, October 26, 2007

We had our breastfeeding class last night. The LC (lactation counselor) at the hospital is great. Chris and I learned so much. I am feeling a bit more easy about our decision to breastfeed. We know it is gonna be difficult and I may want to quit. But we need to go into it determined to be successful.

Is there any family or friends out there that were successful at breastfeeding? If so, please email or comment to me! The LC encouraged us to talk to family and friends that were successful, but I really dont know anyone. She also said the number one reason for failure is negative comments from others about our decision to breastfeed. That's quite sad, but believable.


Can I complain a little? I dont want to complain alot, I like to say "you cant complain until you try to fix it". But I feel backed into a corner too.

As of today, I am 49 days till my EDD! wow! I have been working some long ass days. 7:45-6:15, and often no lunch. I totally understand, the landscape crews are behind- everyone able is out working on the crews. So that leaves me to cover the garden center alone. For the past couple weeks I have been managing to keep my hours right around 45/week by working shorter days when someone else is here, and then the 10.5 hour days when I am alone. Next week it looks like I am working 52.5 hours with no lunches. UGH! That is just too freaking hard.

I feel backed into the corner, because I know the crews need help getting work done. And the Garden Center is slow. Literally- everyone but me and the receptionist will be in the job sites.

That's my complaint. Needing to work over 50hours a week and being 8 months pregnant. Can I add that the bathroom is over 200 yards away and it takes me an eternity to get there? I dont get to take my shoes off either, as soon as I do a customer shows. OK! enough complaining.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

I have fat feet

I am down to just 2 pair of shoes that fit! AHHH! At least it is 2 pairs of tennis shoes, so they are COMFY, but not so cute to wear a blouse and dress pants with. Oh well, guess I have the perfect excuse?

The aches and pains are not stopping anymore. There ae so many bad days. Ugh. I knew this moment was coming, but was hoping it wouldn't be here for another 6 weeks. ;-)

Our first shower (well 2nd shower. my garden center staff threw me one this summer before they left for school) is this weekend. I am looking forward to it, and seeing my family again!

Monday, October 22, 2007

baby dropped?

I am about 32.5 weeks. Yesterday I noticed that my boobs dont touch my belly anymore, my ribs dont hurt anymore, and the kicks are a bit lower then before. My belly looks smaller and lower as well (chris said this too!) Also, there is pressure on my A$$, and I am peeing MORE then before. Something happened. Either the baby dropped, or switched positions. I dont know what to think just yet. I am enjoying that extra space in the rib region, I can eat! I can breath! My boobs are not sitting on my belly! yay!

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Some things in life......

Yesterday started out so nicely. Chris and I had childbirth education class. We learned some, but it was pretty basic. It was worth going to, except that it was the most beautiful fall day outside that we were missing out on. After the class we went to Target and picked out a baby boy and a baby girl sleeper for bringing baby home in (we want to dress our baby in pink or blue, not neutral!). That was easy. The boy sleeper is green and blue with a bulldozer and a dumptruck on it. Very appropriate for the baby! And the girl sleeper is pink with flowers on it, yet again... approroptiate. We bought them in newborn size (5-8lb), but we are going to take a nuetral outfit in 0-3 months along too just in case this little one is big. We also go a laundry basket, and valance for the baby room.

Then we stopped to buy paint, that too was nice and easy. We got the paint home, and when chris opened the truck door the paint fell out and the whole gallon splattered in the garage. I am not going to even re-live the next 2 hours..... too tramatizing.... it was all bad and absolutly smashed our moods. We then took another hour or 2 away from each other to cool off, then decided .... yay, this sucks.... lets go buy another gallon of paint.

We are over it! I got up early today and started painting. I hope to get a lot done before Daddy even wakes up.

Friday, October 19, 2007

ouch, my toe hurts

I have an infected ingrown toe nail. Ouch! I totally blame it on my swollen feet being stuffed in my shoes and poor circualtion to my feet. And maybe I like the corners cut way low.... so I got an antibiotic today, and the Dr. stuffed some cotton under the nail to help it grow upwards. Chris is gonna LOVE changing that for me 2 times a day! I also got a lecture to cut my nails straight across too. Lesson learned!

See, I am totally a "I dont get it till I experience it" sort of girl. I ~know~ that I should cut my nails staight across to prevent ingrown nails. But now I completely get why I should not do it!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

The nursery has been started!

I got home from work last night and found Chris in the new nursery setting up the crib! We just emptied it the night before! In my mind we would shampoo the carpets, paint, then probably shampoo the carpets one more time. Then set up the crib. He said he really wanted to set it up, so that is fine with me. The big turd enjoyed a few brandy old fashion sweet's while assembling it as well. The crib is really nice, it will be perfect! It assembled rather easily too.

The room looks so small now, or the crib looks so big? I choose the paint color, and that will be our next step. We are thinking a light beige for the walls. A sage valance, and maybe a sage crib skirt (this is still in the works!). Then I hope to paint some very simple branches with leaves on the walls too. I have some small box like shelves that will get hung on the walls too. And then hopefully we can do some accesories for our safari theme.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Dog Puke Tuesday

Good morning Sarah! We got the office emptied last night. So the nursery is ready to be started. I woke up, smiling and walked into the empty nursery just to see it ready to be started. There were 3 piles of dog puke on the carpet. It was 5 stinkin 30. They were pretty dried, so I knew it would take a long time to clean. I had to choose, shower or puke. I cleaned up puke for an hour and 15 minutes! I got the stains out, and my finger tips hurt. Then had just 20 minutes to get me ready for work.

Oliver has been off the last few days. He isnt quite right. The puke confirmed our thoughts.

I had another ultra sound yesterday to check out the size of the baby. The baby is about 1 week big. 4.5 lbs already! The heart beat varied too, which is completely normal, it varies with activity. Honestly, this u/s hurt. She had to get up under my rubs (literally) to get some measurements. OUCH! My belly buttom is purple too. It hurt to lay on my back on that bed.... err board... and I kept feeling like I was gonna pass out. (artery compressed from baby) The images were not as clear as the first u/s either, because the baby was so much bigger. I did get a couple cool 3d/4d images though, and the baby is way cute. I saw fat rolls, and hair! Cute pudgy lips. I could not watch half of it either, each time she went below the belly button of the baby I had to look away. I could not find out if it was a boy or a girl without Chris there!
My new Dr. is ok. Only talked to him for a few minutes. Only really told me what I asked of him. The due date will stay the same, but they will keep monitoring the baby size and make sure he/she does not get too big.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Office is FINISHED!

Chris and I worked our butts off this weekend! It was all worth it. As of 8pm last night the office is finished and even cleaned ready to move into. (my goal was to have it moved into this weekend.... but some things did not go as smoothly as planned). The bar/living room area is also cleaned. It was so dusty from the project. There was some slop trim-work done be one of the previous owners, so we even cleaned that up.

Our house now feels complete. A true 3 bedroom home. And the office is so big that as we have more kids it can become a spare bedroom for guests. We still have enough storage area in the basement too.

So...... next we move the office stuff out of the future nursery. Set up the new office/craft room. Then we start on the nursery! As for other house stuff to do before baby gets here, the laundry room needs a cleaning, and so does the spare bedroom. The whole house will then be spik and span!

Friday, October 12, 2007

Ouch, watch where you kick me please!

I do love feeling our baby move in me. It is awesome. Today the kicks are blows to the ribs, and they dont tickle. The dont hurt either. They smart. I cant believe I am 31 weeks, and this baby is up to my ribs already. I thought that would be at the VERY end that I would get to experience this feeling.

The achey days are out numbering the comfortable days. My clothes tick me off. My undies bunch, my bra digs, my pants annoy me, the shoes and sucks hurt to put on, and my shirts barely cover my belly. (these are not complaints, they are merely factual statements)

This week has been a long on for me. Next week will be too. At work, the landscape crews are behind, so my assistant is out helping them. I am covering the shop my myself. I work 7:45-6:15 with no official breaks. Yes, I eat and sit down when I can. But I am not getting my lunch time naps!! I am drained when I get home from work, and I want to be doing dishes and laundry. This week it has piled up, and it is saved for the weekend. Next week I have made arrangements to get my lunch breaks covered so I can resume my lunch time naps.

Monday is our ultra sound to see what size baby is baking. Due to me measuring 3 weeks big at my last appointment, my Dr. ordered an u/s. I cant wait to peak in at the baby again.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

life lesson #102

I am almost embarrassed to admit this story.

Chris tore into our dishwasher again yesterday. Concluding it was a $100 part that needed to be replaced. This dishwasher is 14 years old, and VERY basic. A new one just like it would be $200. So, not worth fixing. We set out to shop for a new one, and hopefully one with some more features.

We first went to sears. Learned all about dishwashers and narrowed down to what we liked. Then we went to Furniture and Appliance Mart, about 30 minutes away. They have been advertising that they are moving, and everything must go. Best prices ever and so on. So, we looked at what they had. The salesman was really helpful, and we feel he was honest too. We both liked one that is quiet, has delay start, split baskets, superbly energy efficient, and you can even wash half a load. The sticker said WAS $695, now $425. We got him to $395, and felt like we were getting a steal. So we took it home.

As we were walking out of the store, we went by the exact couch I purchased elsewhere 2 years ago. The sticker said it WAS $899, and it was now $xxxx, the exact price I paid 2 years ago when it was not on sale elsewhere. Right then I thought, oh crap.... we may have just gotten ripped off.

As soon as I got home, I went to and looked up the exact same model. they have our dishwasher regular price for $399! Looked at a few other places, all the same price. I told chris, he was so angry. So we debated what to do. It was in our kitchen, and we like it. We did not get a deal, but we did not get over charged either.

We installed it, and still like it. We think what the store did was bad business, marking it up like that and putting it on a must go sales, lowest price ever and then selling it for regular price. And we will NEVER shop there again, and discourage others from shopping there. We learned too, not to trust what the little handwritten sale signs are telling us either.

Live and Learn.....

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

dishwasher died

Grrrrrr. It doesn't work. Chris tore it apart last night, and found nothing obvious wrong with it. Lovely. We are going dishwasher shopping tonight.

During the summer our chest freezer died. We replaced that. We are waiting for our washer and dryer to die too. Arg. This is why we have a savings account I guess- to pay for the unexpected.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

we're nesting

I knew I was in for a day of cleaning when I kept having these dreams last night of cleaning. I woke at 7, eyes barely open and I started cleaning. About 2 hours later, Chris woke, and joined me in the fun. We got the master bedroom and the 2 bathrooms ~super~ cleaned. Top to Botton, it so shines! Chris did things like the light fixtures and fan blades, moving the furniture too, he did the bulk of the vacuming too. I washed the walls (yes, ~super~ cleaned) the woodwork, the screens, and the windows. In the bathrooms all the drawers got cleaned out and reorganized. I saved some room for new baby stuff too in one of the bathrooms!

We really need to get the office done by next weekend. Including totally moved into. That leaves us just 2 weeks till our deadline to have the nursery done. In those last 2 weeks we dont have any completely open days. So time is getting short.

I got a prenatal massage yesterday, and a pedicure. It was all so fabulous! Big thanks to the parent's (including inlaws) for the birthday money, because I would never spend my own money on something like that. Chris is happy because he doesnt have to cut my toe nails for a couple weeks.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

only time will tell

I have always had a pretty good sence about when I think things would happen. Check out this blog entry... the second part called in a perfectly planned world. In the back of my mind while TTC I had always thought my baby would be due in the winter.

I just have to say it. I have a ~feeling~ about when this baby will actually make his/her arrival into the world. I guess we will see if I am way off base here or what. Only time will tell. Our actually due date is December 14, and all along I have thought that the baby will arrive early. If I had to narrow it down, I would say the first 2 weeks in december.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Grasshopper way

There is a sidewalk at work, that I have named grasshopper way. They jump all over you when you walk down it. I HATE grasshoppers! They freak me out more then spiders do.

When I was about 17, a grasshopper made me hit the shed. I was wearing my short-shorts (I will kill for the legs I had at 17! they were still short, but they were cute!) and I was pulling into the shed. It even had one of those dummy poles next to the edge of the door- to keep you from hitting the edge of the door. Well, this big grass hopper landed on my inner thigh, and kind of pinched me. I freaked, let go of the wheel and hit the inside of the garage door. (missed the dummy pole!) Got the car all hung up, and left it there for my dad to figure out how to get it out of there.

When it came time to tell dad, I changed my story. I could not tell him a grasshopper was the reason I hit his shed! So I lied, told him it was a bee. He knows the real story now. And everytime I see a grasshopper fly by me, I think of the time one got on my leg and I hit the shed.

Monday, October 1, 2007

rest when tired

I was reading my pregnancy book last night, and it caught my attention when I read to rest when tired. Umm... this is often hard to do. The 2nd and 3rd time moms... I doubt they are able to rest when tired. Me, being a working woman, cant rest when tired. It sounds so unrealistic. I worked 60 hours a week on my feet thru 1st tri... in a haze of exhaustion and nausea. There was absolutly no resting when tired for me!

Then I thought some more... I doubt our grandma's who were pregnant women on farms were able to rest over 6 hours a night, let alone when tired. And thier babies seem to be just fine.

Friday, September 28, 2007

love my lunch time naps!

I swear- that is what is keeping me going and plugging thru my 10 hour work days. I love my lunch time nap in my car. Even if I cant sleep, just laying back with my eyes closed for 15-20 minutes is all I need.

Naps should be mandatory for us adults.... they are so rejuvinating! Wish I napped on my lunches this whole pregnancy, and might continue them after baby comes too.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

happy birthday to ME!

I turn 29 today. Feels just like any other day. If we were still TTC I might be a little sad today, so I am happy to be pregnant.

I was thinking in the shower- the best place to think, besides on my drive to work. I want to blog what a day in my life is like right now. And maybe next year I can do the same when I turn 30.

I think my life has been pretty much like this for the last 4 years, since I have had this job. Work is seasonal, so in the spring I average about 70-80 hours a week (this year being pg, I worked just 60/week). Summer I work 45-50 hours a week. In the fall, 60 hours/week has been the norm, this season so far 50... but I think I need to cut back to 45 now. My days are always 10 hour days in the growing season. I like the winter. I work 4-5, 8 hour days. and get some time off. I like to go to bed early and wake early. I make the lunches, and most of the dinners (chris made all the dinners this spring- too queezy for me!). I work about 75% of the weekends between april-October: I get some weekdays off. And all weekends off Nov.-March. Our growing season weekends that I have off are always booked. Majority of winter weekends are booked too.

I am interested in how things are going to change. I have talked to my boss about working just 60 hours/week in the spring, 40 in the summer, and 50 in the fall. Then take time off in the winter accordingly to work 2100 hours total in the course of the year. (not this 2600 hours/ year B.S!)

I do love my job, and I believe I do a good job at it. But there is more to life then working so much! (oh, it is about 35 miles to get to work~45 minutes) I do hope that at this time next year I am saying the I am working less hours, and still doing a great job at work. I want to feel like I am spending time with my family, and taking care of home stuff too.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007


It's probably dark in there, right? So I cant really blame the baby for not knowing the difference between night and day. I have been woken up every now and again from little kicks and punches. But last night was party time in there! Unbelievable all the action going in my belly while I am trying to sleep. It is just after 8am, and I have been up since 4:30. In the last 3.5 hours I have barely felt a thing. Figures!

I do find all those movements to be a little freaky. I cant help but think of aliens in my belly. Sometimes the kicks are so big, that my entire belly jolts a few inches up. I can watch it for a bit, then I have to look away- I cant believe no one gets hurt. The elasticity of my uterus is amazing. And the strength of someone that weighs just shy of 3 lbs is unbelievable.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

No boy name's yet

The crib situation is fixed! I got the right one, and an additional 10% off. Yay! I am happy. Cant wait till it is time to set up the nursery. Just a little more work is left in the new office/craft room area.

We had yet another busy weekend. Nothing like last weekend, there was some relaxing involoved this time. I helped my mom fill out shower invitations. One more visit to my parents (for the shower) and then next time we see them the baby will be here! Makes time feel so short when you look at it that way.

Chris and I talked boy baby names for over an hour. Still no contenders. Not one.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

the wrong crib!

That put a damper on my spirits. I bought the crib last night, and the store gave me the white crib instead of the woodgrain crib. I asked the High School aged boy loading it up if he was sure this was the woodgrain and not the white, and he said yes. Turd. I am not happy. This thing is huge, and it is in the house.

We're not ready for it yet- but it was on sale. We just dont have the time to be hauling cribs around either.

Monday, September 17, 2007

on the same page

Chris and I had a ton of windshield time this weekend. Long story short, ~our~ grandma had a stroke friday. She was supposed to be leaving the hospital that day from open heart surgery a week before. She is doing better now. So we went to see her saturday morning, then drove over 5 hours from there to a wedding. We spent 12 hours in our truck this weekend!

So, we had plenty of talk time. We discussed what all we have going on between now and when baby comes. EVERY weekend is booked. Of course we have a ton to do before baby gets here.

I am so happy that we are on the same page about lots of things. We both agree that the nursery needs to be ready by week 34 because Chris is going to be 10 hours away hunting when we are in weeks 35/36. We want to have the bottles washed and the babies laundry done by then too. We both agreed that we need to find some time to do something fun together before he leaves for his trip. The time is getting short that we can just up and go on a casino run. We both agreed that after Thanksgiving weekend we are planning NOTHING and committing to NOTHING.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Tie me down, please

Life is going to change dramatically in about 3 months. It won't be all that easy just to get up and go somewhere with a newborn baby to care for. It will be difficult to decide out of the blue that I am going out for dinner with friends after work.

I look forward to being tied down a bit. Right now things are so busy. And they have been for months. All free weekends have been booked and are booked long in advance. The baby is not here and Chris and I have been trying to find one moment for the past 2 weeks to go to the casino to spend my birthday money- thier has been no free moments. And I dont see one in the near future either.

So, come on baby! Tie us down. Force us to stay home and not be running non-stop.

Friday, September 14, 2007


Chris and I are not finding out the sex of the baby before he/she arrives. There are so few surprises in life, and this one I cant cheat.

When I was a teen, and maybe younger; my sister and I had a tradition. Just before Christmas my parents had a party for thier business and they stayed out late. Sis and I figured out where the x-mas presents were hid, and the ~code~ system on who's gifts were who's. They were already wrapped. So each year for many years we would look forward to mom and dad being away till the early morning hours so we could carefully peel the tape back and see what we were getting for christmas.

I still cant stand to not know what I am getting for christmas from my husband. I may be guilty of snopping into the gifts from him too.

With this ~gift~ there is no snooping. The anticipation is insane. For months I thought "girl, has to be a girl". lately I think "but it could be a boy" and I am not sure so afterall. I think Chris's intuition says "girl" too.

Chris's sister, who recently found out she is prenant and due in april, thinks that we found out the sex and are just not telling anyone. Haha, haha, haha. She is pretty darn sure of herself. Couple points: IMO, the reason for finding out the sex is to paint the nursery pink or blue (not nuetral!) buy pink or blue outfits (not nuetral!) and refer to the baby as he or she (not it!). If we did find out the sex, we would have choosen a final name by now and would be calling the baby by name too. Besides.... I could NEVER keep this sort of secret! That would be torture I would never submit myself too.

Believe me, it was hard as a teen not to say "Mom, you gotta hide our presents better! Sis and I have been opening them every year for the last 6 years before christmas and rewrapping them. It was her idea! I was just the lookout."

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

What I like about pregnancy:

My sister inspired me to make this list of what I am enjoying about pregnancy. These days I feel quite good and have lots of energy. Overall these days are good days.

My list, in no particular order:

The kindness of others.
This includes complete strangers! While at Red Lobster a few weeks ago, there was a line for the bathroom and these 3 ladies agreed to let me go ahead of them. My customers at work dont let me lift an itty bitty perennial or shrub. When I offer to help customers load thier cars, most say I should go sit down. My staff and co-workers (well, most of them) dont let me lift a thing. I get away with coming into work late and leaving early too.

Feeling the baby move.
Do I really need to say more? It is a strange senstaion yet so wonderful feeling to think there is a new life moving inside me.

The new relationship with my husband.
Our relationship has evolved. I don't know how to put words to it. We see each other as more then husband and wife, we have a different respect for each other too.

Changes in me.
I have grown so much in the last few months. My views on life and relationships with people. I am more aware of how I feel and react to things in my life as well. I like that.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Blogger I am!

I made the switch. I had an online diary, and I just copied and pasted all those entries over. I dont want to loose the data from my baby making crazed days, or my early pregnancy days.

Why are some people so persistant about some things? For example, you give a friend a new recipe..... do you call them weekly to ask if they tried it yet? NO! You give it to them, and maybe a month later you might ask. You dont stay on thier case about it and call them every few days. Layoff you persistant folk. Mention it once, and LET IT GO!


handy husband
I feel so lucky! We (ok, I lie when I say we...) HE has been building a new office/craft room in the basement so we can have the baby room in the old office. It is getting done so fast! This weekend Chris will be texturing the drywall. Next comes primer and paint! then the ceiling! Finally the carpet and trim! yay!
After that is done, it will be time to move everything from the old office into the new office and paint the nursery. I am so excited! Right now we are thinking safari theme since we dont know if it's a boy or a girl.


pregnancy weight gain freaks me out
oftah. I have gained 20 pounds! I am 25 weeks, and dr. said my weight gain is ~perfect~ whcih is incredible weird to think that is perfect.
No scale peaking for me. I dont even want to know what I weigh. No matter what I eat I seem to gain 1 pound a week.
Looks like I am right on track to gain the 25-35 pounds my dr. wants me to gain this pregnancy.


Goodness! I wish I was better at this! I am contemplating switching over to a blog instead... hmmm.
Well, the baby is BUSY! I can not believe it. Never imagined it would feel like this. Chris likes to feel the kicks too. Just a couple more weeks and I am into 3rd tri. amazing!


Impressed with myself!
I am 22 weeks! I do have to say that I am impressed with myself. I have been a mega trooper thru some damn hard times! Pregnancy has not been easy, or enjoyable for me. And I am keeping quite positive. Hmm. maybe this wont be an only child afterall.


There is so much to do! I started the great daycare hunt. that is overwhelming as we are in need in part time care and I have so much time off in the winter. Most daycares want to be paid for every week if you are there or not. so I hope we find someone that will fit our needs.
i met with my boss to day about maternity leave. that went so well. I wanted 6 weeks off paid, and then come back to work 3 days a week for 4 weeks, with full pay. He said that is all ok, but he encourages me to work from home during that first month back to work! :-) But stopping in a couple times to check voice mails and get work to bring home. I am so happy!
We also talked about next year. In the past I ahve worked closer to 2600 hours a year... in the future I want to work more like 2100 hours. and that can work out as well. will just have to work harder while at work! No updating my diary at work! ahem...


16.5 weeks! yet again it has been too long. Moring sickness is about gone. Tapered off so slowly. I would say at 16 weeks is when it pretty well disappreared. that was rough.
my body is changing so fast, everything feel so weird and different. my belly button is getting flat, and where the scars are from my peircing were are not about 1/2" higher. I think my skin is starting to stretch too, it aches.
I am enjoying pregnancy these days. No movement yet, cant wait for that. and next week we have our u/s! cant wait to see baby!


been so long! wow, it really has. I am almost 13 weeks! Alomst into 2nd trimeester. I cant believe it. I have gained just one pound, food is starting to look appealing. morning sickness is ever so slowly easing. whew!


we have a heartbeat! wow! it was so great! total heaven to hear the hb. I had my dr appointment yesterday at about 10 weeks. that went well, lots of questions. I was fully prepared not to hear the hb, and the dr said that there was about a 50% chance that I will hear it. as soon as she put the dopler on my belly we heard it! The hb was about 170bpm and it was so beautiful. Dr. said it was nice and strong for 10 weeks. :-)


it has been a long time! it is spring, so work is crazy. And I am exhausted and still have some morning sickness.
this last week I went to the ER, for gas.... I had horrible abdominal pains, and shoulder pains. Could not get gas to pass, and it hurt more. So I called the nurse's line- she had me talk toa Dr. They said that what I was describing as pain was the same as internal bleeding from an eptopic pg. So, I went in./ They did an ultra sound, baby is in the right place. I did not get to see. So, all is ok!
Day after tomorrow is my first dr. appointment! time is moving fast I think.
I think my m/s is letting up a bit. I am not queezy over 80% of my day. I just have to be careful not to get too hungry. I am also not so damn tired either! It is all a welcome improvment!
I would have to say weeks 7/8 were my worst for m/s, with m/s starting at about 4.5 weeks. (I am 9 weeks now) I was the most tired at around 6 weeks. I got to xperience nausea, vomiting, dry heaving, even some blood vessels above my eye popped after some intense dry heaving. Horrible food adversions, that wasnt fun!
I cant wait for the day I say that I enjoy being pregnant.


going to nap.Tired has hit! wow. It is rough. I feel braindead too. So I am going to nap, luckily I have the day off!


morning sickness? already!yesterday I was 4weeks, 5 days. felt ick most of the day. I have felt somewhat ick for a few days now. But today too, I feel I could yack any second..... yuck.
It helped to put crackers on my night stand, and eat those before getting up. then eating breakfast right away. I will munch oll morning, and see how that goes.
I also came to a realization, and all my nerves were called. We want a family. To get a family, we may have to go thru a miscarriage, we will keep trying for that family if that happens. So...... to get my family, I have to be strong, and go thru all of this- whatever that may be. I feel so much better thinking that!


if someone would have told me that.....
that...... once I was finally KU I would symptom obsess even more then I did while TTC, I would have never believed it! Oh, it is true. Evenything I obsess about. Or lack of symptoms, I can obsess about that too.
that.... all our months of TTC and getting a -hpt, would end with getting a BFP in March, giving us a december due date. Which works nicely for us because I can take the most time off work.

things I want to remember
My symptoms before my BFP where minimal. Cramps the night of 7dpo, and a temp dip in my chart at 8dpo. Around 10dpo, developed an odd taste in my mouth.
Thats it! everything else was the same, sore bbs ect.
we did relax this month, and had fun with it. made it much more enjoyable!


4 weeks yesterday
Easter today! and we are 4 weeks 1day. :-) Yesterday I summerized myself as being a drinker (of water) a pee'er, an eater, and a sleeper. I am thirsty! hungry, and getting tired.
My nose is more sensitve too. Today I woke up, a bit scared about a miscarriage. Can we blame that on the hormones? My only reasoning, my bbs are not really tender anymore. Of course I had to reseeach, and make sure that was ok. And symptons can disapear and reapear often. I still have those slight O pains too, the corpus luteus doing its job! I think with m/c, I just have to have faith. And if it does happen, I am strong, I can deal with it. There is no reason to worry.


yep, confirmed
I went to Dr. they drew blood and I am KU. I am still kind of in disbelief, but excited too. Chris is excited too, maybe more then me!
We think we are gonna tell our family and friends on Easter sunday. Earlier then I had thought, but we really wanna share!


blessed with a BFP!
oh my gosh! I am 11 dpo, and I got a bfp! I am shaking. I am so excited! I cant believe it. I temped this morning. slept the whole night peacefully until 4:30. I temped, and that is an hour early, so I knew it was not accuarate. So I thought, what the heck, I will temp, peace of mind. And the first test, answer brand; came up light pink before the test was even done! then I tested with a cheap dollar store one. that was inconclusive.
I went to walmart. Bought a CBE-digital, baby big that says our little tiger, and a easter basket.
Tested on the digitla, it says PREGNANT!
So, I put the bibs in the basket, with the test that says pregnant in it too. Placed it on the toilet and waiting for Chris to wake.
WOW, I feel so blessed.


the wait is killing me again. I am 10dpo today. 8 dpo I had a temp drop and cramps the evening of 7dpo. and 9dpo a big temp drop. Today a drop. Arg, I just want to know. O am overanalyzing.


Crazy time starts!gosh, spring is here. Starting this week I work 6 days a week until early june. Ewwww. And they are 10 hour plus day. bigger eww. I am not ready!
And of course, I hope I am KU this C. (am I crazy!?!?) I will figure it out if i am. Today I am 8dpo, last night I had skight cramps, odd for me; and today a temp dip. I am sort of daydreaming about being pregnant and having a december baby. Which is not good, I hate being sad when I am not. I am doing everything in my power not to look up what our due date will be. That just makes me sad.


a week ago we heard from the Dr. about the charts I dropped off withthe 11 day lp. She is encouraging us to keep trying. said she would give us the referal, but then we would have to do the SA, HSG... everything. and I dont think we are ready for all that. We will keep plugging away!


a little sad
I just learned that a friend of my SIL, who also started TTC when we did is KU and due in september. I felt a little sad when I learned this.


to love or to be loved?
I love this question! Which do you prefer? to love or to be loved. Chris is a to be loved. I am a to love.
The question tells so much about who someone is. And neither is the wrong answer.


the way I now look at moles-they are like poison. I see one and I wonder, are you a bad one? how long have you been there? I swear more are popping up, and I just dont know if the are bad ones.
Luckily, every year I get to go in and get my skin looked over.... that makes me feel a little better.


After some thought, I do know what to think.
I have read, and reread that letter.
I feel sad for her! To be this upset about things 10 years later, and to not be able to just let things go! She needs help! She is so angry!
I want so bad to send her a letter, but I dont think I should. So here is what I feel I neeed to say.
Steph- go get help! and get past this, and enjoy life. Also, take some self-responcibility for the choices you have made in your life.
What you wrote, should have stayed private. Once in awhile, it does make people feel better to sit down and write a good old pissed off letter to someone and then never write it or say to them! That is the file this letter belonged in.
Even though I was not your "friend", I never once called you names. I treated you the same as I treated all other classmates. And for you to HATE me as much as you hate the ones that were calling you names disgusts me.
I did not stick up for you. As a teen that is hard to do. I barely stuck up for my "friends". See, as a teen when you stick up for the one being picked on you draw attention to yourself, and you become the one picked on too. All of us were just as self-conscience as the next and did not want that attention drawn to ourselves.
Do you want to know what hurts me from HS years? One of the people I called "friend" hurt me the most. She backstabbed me the most, and sold me out whenever she could. Yet we were still "friends". However, I look at myself internally and feel the most anger at myself for not being stronger and not having this girl as my "Friend". The way I see it with you- is it was your FRIENDS calling you these names. Maybe you should take some self-responcibility and put your blame on yourself for not being stong enough to say I dont need people like you to be my friends. I have some other issues and hurt from school age years too. But I have moved on.
We all got picked on, we all have bagage from those years. We found a way to get over it.


I just dont know
today I received a letter in the mail from a girl I graduated with. I am stunned. I dont know what to think.
She was in a book called "slut! Growing up Female with a bad reputation", her character was Paula. I might just get the book from the library and read it, maybe I will understand.
Basically, the letter is about how our class as a whole made her feel. People called her slut, whore and more along those lines. She singled out some people for the things they said- and everyone else for not standing up for her. Said she hates each and every one of us. Blames us for her failed marriage, and losss of her self respect.
I was one of those- I did not stand up for her. I did not call her those things, but I did not stop it. I graduated with just 18 people! our class was together constantly. It was hard for everyone from the most popular down to the least popular.
After reading and rereading this letter I still dont know my thoughts. Right now I feel OK with what I did. Yes, I did not stand up for her. That is so hard to do as a young self conscience teen. But I did not treat her bad by calling her these horrible things.
It is so hard as a Jr. High student/ high school student to stand up for the "outsider", and go against the group. It is easier to just stay quiet.
So yes, I can live with my choices. Today, being the more mature/less selt conscience person that I am- I would stand up for things that I dont think are right. That was a long time coming- until recently I was not OK with people not liking me. It bothered me so badly to know someone disliked me. Now, I dont need everyone to like me.
I have my own sourness from jr high/high school years. I got boobs in 5th grade! People were so cruel, to this day I am very self conscience. But I have figured out how to move on. Maybe she should as well? I just dont know.
Obviously she is very hurt, and I feel sad for her. I hope this letter helps her thru this process of healing.
Maybe I cant truely form an opinion or comment on her feelings because I was not treated this poorly? I dont know what to think.


bbt not going good
this C has been a tough one for temping. I dont think I have slept thru a single night yet! Temps are all over the place! Around O time, my temps were not all that pretty either. Grrr. At least I have my O date confidently narrowed down to 2cd's.
So, today is 7or 8 dpo. (I am not obsessing, I am observing! REALLY!) I woke up with mild AF like cramps, and now it is about 6 hours later, and they are back. In previous c's the only time I have had cramping is the day before AF showed. I pray that is not the case! I wont look into it too much either.... I cant! ~that would be obsessing~ which I am not allowed to do!
I just gotta be stong, to make it thru the next few days.... I can do it!

3-1-2007, today I posted a question on my message board about LP (luteal phase) totally thinking if you are over 10 days, all is AOK. well, I learned that me being at 11 days is questionable.
The LP- luteal phase is the number of days from O to AF. 14 plus is optimal. I only temped last C, and it was 11. The C in December... looked scary, with an even shorter lp, but that is going by CM and o pains... not a definate way....
So I posted a question to the board moderator, she knows some stuff. And said there is mixed info out there- that it may be 10 or 12. but if mine is yet again 11, I may want to contact a Dr. there could be a problem. nice.
so, I just gotta wait it out! wait, wait, wait some more! that is what I have learned about ttc.


Too cute.
back when we started TTC, actually before we started- so when we where talking about doing it. Chris said he did not want a baby born during deer hunting. he lives for deer hunting season.
All this C, I have known that we would be due during that time. but choose not to tell him. REally, what are the chances- well- it is 20%. and this is month 6 of TTC. so, why avoid it now? Last night, we were going to bd one more time... (I o'd yesterday- woohoo! finally, that flu pushed back my O 6 days!) Just before we bded- Chris said, wait a minute, started counting months... and said- no way! we would be due during rut. Then I said, what are the chances, this is our 6th month- why stop for this? He siad he had no idea we were at the 6 month mark. he did the math- we started first part of september.... 6 months! The cutie- he bded anyway!
I refuse too look up due dates anymore.... because that date sticks in my head and I dont want it too. So, no due dates till we are KU!


pre-cancer skin removed-I went to the Dr. wednesday to have more af the precancerous mole cells removed. The letter said a quick 20 minute procedure. stiches required. that was about it.
I was left tramatized. I need a mental picture of what is happening. And what they did was more then what I thought. it took over an hour. the smells, the sounds, the feelings.... were all so horrible. I think I am over it now..... and moving on. I have 11 stiches, and it was pretty painful the first 2 days. now it just itches.
I am learning- gotta protect from the sun! I dont want to do this again!
In our TTC world. I am making myself crazy. What it comes down to is this: Chris isnt good at bding more then EOD. We have tried ED a few times, and he ends up getting tired out and shutting down saying "no more"! So, all this temping and OPKing I am doing. really doesnt matter, because the outcome will be the same- EOD(every other day). I know it, I am a slow learner. but I am realizing all the extra effort I am putting into this isnt really worth it.


I was sick a few days this week with the flu. it wast fun!
and... I am waiting to O! seems to be no where in sight! Today is CD18, last C, I O'd on CD19. I really dont have any signs that it is close. I have heard that illness can delay O.


drama alert!
I frequent a ttc message board. Part of my thinks I should have never started going there because they obsess, and seem to be jealous people. But I have learned a lot.
Well, the message boards are broken into many catagories... 6 actually. I am on Just starting out. In the last few weeks I have been getting annoyed by sarcastic comments being posted when newbie get a bfp, or ask a repetitious question.... and the jealousy! whoa.
It is also so high school. One person is ballsy and says something, and her followers come along and add a comment.
Mid week, this all exploded. I dont even know exactly how it all happened, or why it exploded like it did. (however, it sort of felt like high school- with one group ganging up on me. I am tough I can take it). So, basically I said it, if you cant handly the newbie stuff, go find a new board! that is why there are so many.
well, basically it started with a prego gal posting a hello on JSO. Then the ring leader made a comment that was sarcasitc, and her followers all posted sarcastic stuff too. So I said, it is not big deal! it is a public board, if you are so sensitive, go find a new board! Then I was accused of calling them bitter, and kicking them off a board they have been on for 2 years... they have more right to be there... on and on...
So later that day, I posted a message saying why I made my comments. For weeks I have been listening to the sacastic junk- and of course go find a new board if you arent all giddy with excitment and dumb questions like newbie! And you guessed it... the ring leader had to post a comment about how I was mistaken... and it was so rude! A few people posted that they agreed with me, the boards have changed.
Well, icing on the cake! the board moderator came on and siad that I was right! each person should evaluate which board they should belong too. and if you dislike newbie questions, or newbie bfp's it is time to go.
With all that said. I know I am an outcast now.... they will treat me like crap when I go back. I feel good about what I said, because they were raining on the newbie parade!!!!
I have stayed off the boards since then, just to calm things down. I might just stay off for a long time.... I am done with the sarcasic remarks, and was getting annoyed easily. I dont need that! and they made me obsess, and think about my CD. I think I will be better off without the boards. If I need them, I can go back on and post a ?. I can change me name too if I want.


received a prediction
In the world (actually huge world that I never knew excited) of ttc, there are plenty of people that do predictions. I requested one about a month ago, and just got it early this week.
Angel said- girl, and the number 6. could be C6, or June (concieve, find out, or due). well, this is C6.... and june isnt so far either.
I am excited to see what all pans out. Oh, chris and I have another girls name we like. Baylee.


lost some sleep over something other then TTC!
I am kind of freaked out about the pre-cancer cells that have been removed, and going to be removing more.
I have been dumb in the past. Too much time in the sun, and tanning beds too. oh, and that smoking too. dumb, dumb dumb.
well, I did all that- so now I just have to watch and deal with it.
The sun issue is tough, since I work outside- but I will have to be more careful. I found one more mole the Dr. did not look at. Chris and I both thought it has gotten bigger over the years. So, I will have the Dr. look at that one too.
Why do I have to be me!? I dont ever listen, I have to learn things on my own. you can preach, preach, preach all you want- and I still have to figure it out myself.


letter from derm dr.
last week I had a mole removed. I got the biopsy results, and it was abnormal cells/precancer cells. so I ahve to go back and have more removed. stiches too.
I am happy they found it now, before it was cancer. but not happy to have a hunk of flesh missing from my shoulder blade.
I was so nervous about the appointment. but it really was so bad. I hope this one goes ok too.


dang! C6!Looks like Af showed just now. I did a good job not getting my hopes up and telling myself I am not KU.
I had spotting for 2 days. odd. never had that.
well, not much else to say. I am obviously not happy.


scrapcamp weekend coming up!
I am so excited! should get a ton of scrapbooking done. It will also help keep me distracted during my last week of waiting to find out if we are pregnant this month.
A ton of people on my message board have gotten BFP's this week. like 5? crazy! I hope the trend continues!
Today is CD25, 6dpo. I am happy I am temping, and OPKed. I got the hang of it after all- it is looking good.
I think I am doing great not symptom analyzing, and telling myself it did not happen this month.... I havent even looked up due date!
Since O was late... I am thinking my test dates will be 2/1 or 2/2 if no AF. lets hope! Oh, and I did O on friday! so the bding the night before should have been perfect! I did not need to stress after all!


figures, doesnt it?
So, for the 10th day in a row I took my OPK. Finally, it was a +!!!
Chris is gone till sunday, he left before I even got home today.
I had been planning for 10 days that as soon as we got a +OPK we would bd like buddies. Which isnt gonna happen, he is not here! Figures!
I gotta think positive- we did bd last night. and yesterday I had a ton of EWCM, chris was even complaining about it after bding. Also, fertility friend is telling me I should O between today and sunday. Lets hope for today! I should know in a few days. My temp should give me a clue.


I had bigger O pains today, we will see what the OPK says. it really doesnt matter I guess. chris is gone for the weekend, so there isnt much we can do but hope we got it already.


I think i am finally O'ing! This is so exciting, I was being to wonder if I would! this is CD18! still not a +OPK.... I think that is odd.
just gotta wait a little longer. I have not really had much of O pains this C. Yesterday slight twinges, and today too. but not like the last 5 cycles.


need strength
So, this recently I started temping and OPKing. Both have had ups and downs. For some reason, Fertility Friend said I ovulated on CD11. I dont think so! And my OPK's were not working properly. I emailed the company, turns out thier instructions were wrong. GRRR! now that I have proper instructions they work nice. DUH!
So I am quesioning my O date of 11th, even though I thought my OPK was a -, maybe it wasnt. Just gotta wait and see.
Chris and I agreed that we would bd every other day. I try to keep it fun, heck I think I work really hard at it. We want to bd EOD from CD8-24ish. So, I tried to initiate the bding tonight, he did not want to. Too tired. I feel rejected. It really should not matter, I dont have EWCM, did not get a + on my OPK.
There are so many things about TTC that are hard. Some things are unexpected, like DH not quite getting this TTC stuff, not quite understanding what is going on with your body.
I need to be strong, and patient. It will make this whole process alot more pleasant, and easier too.


I have always gotten these "feelings" about things. Here is mine about when we will be KU...
Of course I really want it to happen in the next 3 months... Jan Feb and March we will have lots of time to BD, OPK, BBT... But I just have the feeling that it wont happen till April, May or even June. At that time I will be too busy to OPK, BBT, and wont really even care when I O.
Time will only tell!
I was also thinking... I know each month there is roughly a 20% chance of getting prego. I jst dont grasp that. I want to understand why... it just seems so low.


what will our kids be like?
I love the bob and sheri show- and listening on my drive to work the chat room topic was something about you did this when you were young- and it came back to get you how? well, most callers were talking about how thier kids are doing things 10 times worse then they ever did. All I could think about was that both Chris and I had issues with putting things in our noses, ears etc.
Chris was much worse then I! at the age of 11 he shoved so much paper in his ears he had to go to the ER. 11!!! I was like 3 when I pulled the button stunt. He also are a whole bottle of baby asprin... he was pretty naughty as a kid.
I think I was kind of a rotten teenager. Life was rough at that time. Why was I so insistant on having a boyfriend from like age 14 on? The only time I was without was when I was 21-22 for about a year or so when Chris and I broke up. Then I took the time to "date". I hope I can relay this to my kids, that I want them to "date" not have a steady relationship when young.
I found my diarys from when I was younger.... I started to read them and then quit. I could not do it. maybe some day. But I remmeber being a teen rumaging thru ALL of my mom's stuff. I best get rid of it when I have older kids... I dont want them reading what I did!


Today I purchased a basal thermometer. hope that doesnt make me go crazy... and a 25 pack of OPK's- that I bought online, and will start at CD 10.
Tomorrow I leave for a convention for work. should be ok. I am not ready to see work people again. it was nice to not talk to them for a couple weeks. shhhh, dont tell them!



AF totally creeped up on my. Today. So C4 was just 27 days. shortest yet, and totally unexpected.
I am going to BBT this C, and might get some OPK's... just to figure out what my body is doing. Attempt to anyway.
Good news again- No migraine! I havent had one for over a month! very excited about that. I am really convinced BCP were the cause of my migraines... it seems as I am getting back to normal I am gettting less migraines.
not much else to say. just surprised. oh, and Chris seemed just fine with me temping...


will power needed! and what was that spot?

Today is CD 27, guessing, I am 9-11DPO. I had a spot today... brown, not alot. Could it be implantation bleeding? or just a spot telling me AF is on the way? BAsed on my previous cycles, I think AF is due thursday. Wed and thursday I am going to a convention, so I dont want to test either of those days... I just have to be stong and not test the next 2 days, and wait for AF to show or not, then test friday. I did have one 28 day C, but that was right after coming off BCP... ahh... just have to wait! nothing more to do! Then only other time I spotted, was once the day before AF showed.
I pulled a silly again today. I feel off the couch. LOL. actually my foot caught this loop in my pants, and I fell. I landed hard on my Knees, and of course cried hard. Chris and Oliver (our dog) came running. Oliver cuddled up to me, and started shaking really hard. it was so cute, he could see I was hurt, and he felt sad.
well, Chris is home with me again tomorrow. right now we are chillin! it is great!


day after Christmas
I survived! I am so pooped today. Overall I think the day was a success. So many sick people were here, I spent lots of time this morning disinfecting my house. Dinner was excellent. 30 minutes late... but I tried really hard! the damn turkey and prime rib took longer then expected!
I got left with a big mess! I will remmeber this for when I have kids!
My highlight! Chris's grandparents came! When they were leaving, grandpa gave me tons of hugs. Grandma gave me a couple too. And grandpa said that since they met me they liked me and I was instantly part of the family, just like one of his own kids or grandkids. That made me feel really special.


think I got it! I always thought I had it the last 4 months... but last night on the toilet paper was tons of it. it was clear slippery, did not fom a ball when rolled... and stretched big time. SO EXCITING!
Chris has a bed head cold, so he did not want to BD last night. But I convinced him by telling him in a few days I will have his cold.. and I cant take many drugs for it. So he best drug and and just do it! or me- LOL. And he agreed. :-)
I feel pretty good about this, since getting close to fertile time we were able to BD on CDs 14,16, and 17. Today is 18. Now I just have to patiently wait till next year!


vacation is nice!
I am off work now for over 2 weeks! So nice! Chris had the day off with my today, and tomorrow too. He has a head cold. poor guy...
WE are getting prepared for his side of the family xmas at our house monday. Should be a good time.


things I find frustrating about TTC

So you plan, sex will happen on these days at this time. You even create a pact that you will do it, no exceptions! great! but sometime there is a failure to launch the swimmers.
O pains. what in the world do they mean? will I ovulate soon? Am I right now? Or did I already?
Cervical Mucus- should I really be removing it to look at it? dont I need that stuff? And what exactly is it telling me!?!
Cervical position- Tell me, what exactly am I feeling for. I can feel it, and notice when it feels higher and different... but cant figure out if it is open or closed.
Should I really be poking my cooter this much to figure these things out? Am I killing the swimmers? Or removing valuable CM?
Should I OPK or not... Should I temp or not.... decisions!
Chris, he is so laid back with his "it is what it is". I know that, but I want to help things along if I can!
Is making babies a test? Like- if you can handle this process you can handle a baby. Am I failing the test?
60% of my daily thoughts, (and dreams at night), are making babies. Am I fertile? I am KU? When will I be KU? Why are we not KU yet?
---------------------------------------One thought helps calm all these things going on in my head. I need to pray for patience! And trust that god will help us through this!
Today i have the O pains! they started yesterday, but quite a bit of pain on my left side today. I also woke up and discovered what I think was EWCM??? Or not, it may have been a little thick.. Chris had a failure to launch problem this morning... so after work today we will attempt again! And back to the planning part- we will do it again tomorrow!


to not do it
I did not buy any OPK's last night. I have a good mindset right now, and am enjoying the TTC process. So, i decided against it.
Regardless, we would do the exact same thing this month whether or not we OPK. So, we might as well enjoy it and just let things happen!


In a perfectly planned world
My pregnancy would happen like this:
I would be due in December, and be able to take my time off paid, and have no worries about work. I say this because my job is seasonal, I get lots of paid time off in the winter. And in the spring summer and fall my plate is full!
Knowing what I know now- in my 4th C of TTC. Miscarriges happen often, and I am happy we did not wait until late winter thinking getting prego would be a breeze. However, I thought we would be KU by now. If we do get KU this month- we would be due in Sept. so.. March would be the month to get KU and be due in Dec. Which is going to be more difficult considering I work more hours.....
So, what I am thinking, is I have faith that God will lead us and let things happen as they will. So, the world isnt perfectly planned according to how I want things to be. Which is OK!


to OPK or to not OPK

I cant decide what to do! I am thinking about OPKing, starting tonight. (ovulation predictor kit I think) I am puzzled, my O pains always start by CD 9 or 10. Today is CD 14, and no O pains, and not much CM. So, I think I will buy some OPK sticks tonight and give that a try.
I think I can handle the OPK, before I think I would have gone crazy! but now, I think it will be ok. I am in a good mind set about TTC. Finally!


my love story.

Today I went into my old emails- to read some of the stuff chris used to email me. It kind of rekindled some of my feelings for him. I am sad that I dont have emails from the first time we dated... we dated for a year, then we broke up for a year. but I do have the messages of him wanting to see me again.
we grew up alot when we were apart for that one year. Today, I am happy we had that time away from each other- even though my heart was so broken when we broke up. Our relationship was good, but we did some childish things to each other. And of course, I thought I could change him. While we were apart we got to date other people. and we both relized that each other was the perfect match for us.
I went to Europe for 4 months in 2000. Prior to me leaving we were apart for 1 year. Then he sent me this email:
hi Just a quicky to say thank you for the address eurogardengirl cute and sassy just like always. Sorry it took so long to get back to you i was on vacation in the boundry waters just got back last night. The weather was fair only two days of rain and one windy day. I guess i figured out i will not be going back to the boundry waters with that group again they argued and fought most of the time what a nice way to ruin a very so much needed vacation.
I would also like to thank you for the evening that you were down here i had fun shooting the shit with ya i miss that. Next time i have a small request more cookies please :), they were nummy in my tummy.
As for your trip my suggestion to you is that you have a good time and enjoy yourself take in the sites that i could only dream of live life as if you only have one day left and if you make a mistake dont look back just keep moving on but remember not to do it again. Also remember to smile it will most definatly make people wonder what you are thinking about and if they ask tell them the most perfect man in the whole world (me). lol lol lol
Sarah i dont know how to say this but i never tried to hurt you. I often wonder what it would be like if we were still together. Would one of us race ahead while the other would drag their feet? I do still have feelings for you but which one of these i cant yet tell love or lust. I always have told others that if you love enough you will let the butterfly go and if it comes back you know it was right. i guess i grew up a little and have realized that i have made some mistakes in life that can not be changed back to the way i would like so i am so very sorry if i have hurt you in the past and i would like for you to forgive me. Mom the other day before i left said sometimes you dont know what you have until you lose it. i guess that little saying has brought this out of me with some thinking.
i will try out your eurogardengirl account later ;-)
I would like to see you before you leave if it works out just to say bye and wish you the best of luck.
with love christopher smile it bring out the best in you---------------------------------------
Ok, I know he types slower then a turtle, this had to taken forever for him to type! I got this message before I left, and he did visit me for just a short time at my going away party. While I was on my trip I got quite a few emails. He was my rock when I was down, telling me I am stong. It was so sweet. Right when I got back I went to visit him, and we knew it- we were going to get married and be together forever. All those childish things stopped, and we accepted each other for who we are. We got engaged 1 year later, and married 2 years later.