3-10-2007

I just dont know
today I received a letter in the mail from a girl I graduated with. I am stunned. I dont know what to think.
She was in a book called "slut! Growing up Female with a bad reputation", her character was Paula. I might just get the book from the library and read it, maybe I will understand.
Basically, the letter is about how our class as a whole made her feel. People called her slut, whore and more along those lines. She singled out some people for the things they said- and everyone else for not standing up for her. Said she hates each and every one of us. Blames us for her failed marriage, and losss of her self respect.
I was one of those- I did not stand up for her. I did not call her those things, but I did not stop it. I graduated with just 18 people! our class was together constantly. It was hard for everyone from the most popular down to the least popular.
After reading and rereading this letter I still dont know my thoughts. Right now I feel OK with what I did. Yes, I did not stand up for her. That is so hard to do as a young self conscience teen. But I did not treat her bad by calling her these horrible things.
It is so hard as a Jr. High student/ high school student to stand up for the "outsider", and go against the group. It is easier to just stay quiet.
So yes, I can live with my choices. Today, being the more mature/less selt conscience person that I am- I would stand up for things that I dont think are right. That was a long time coming- until recently I was not OK with people not liking me. It bothered me so badly to know someone disliked me. Now, I dont need everyone to like me.
I have my own sourness from jr high/high school years. I got boobs in 5th grade! People were so cruel, to this day I am very self conscience. But I have figured out how to move on. Maybe she should as well? I just dont know.
Obviously she is very hurt, and I feel sad for her. I hope this letter helps her thru this process of healing.
Maybe I cant truely form an opinion or comment on her feelings because I was not treated this poorly? I dont know what to think.