Tuesday, April 29, 2008

"that means I am sleeping"

Chris almost got launched out of bed! I shook him and told him he was snoring, he said to me in an angry tone "that means I am sleeping". then he had the nerve to say that he was loosing sleep from my getting in and out of bed so much! ASSHOLE! I havent slept well in days. I dont know what the deal is, but Brayden has been waking every 2-3 hours. And he has been ready to rock and roll at 4am. I would have prefered him to say "allow me to get up and take care of the baby".

He has it GOOD! and I dont know how this happened or why this is the arrangement (that I am the only one to wake with Brayden all night everynight). But I am thinking daddy is gonna get a lesson in how to handle brayden at night, and he's gonna have to take his turn. This momma NEEDS to sleep!

LOL.... this morning.... Chris was fooling with me, and I told him it was in his best interest to not even look at me and just leave. Then I proceded to tell Chris that I hate him, the dog that I hate him, and I even told Brayden I really didnt like him right now either. After a couple hours all was better and I like those 3 boys again. ;-)

Monday, April 28, 2008

a day in the life...

of a FTplus working mom with a 4 month old:

5:30am: start my day to the alarm clock, and hope baby sleeps just a little bit more! My first thought of the day is "it will all be ok after a cup of coffee".

5:30-7:45: rush around the house like a crazy person making lunches (breakfast and many snacks get packed for me!), getting myself ready (showering on a good day!), waking Chris and shoving him out the door, find a few minutes to fold some laundry, play just a little with my smiley man, feed him and pump milk at the same time. Pack stuff for daycare.

7:45- get out the door and take Brayden to day care!

9am: arrive to work, and work all day! pumping more milk on my lunch.
7:15: leave work!

8pm: arrive home!

8-10:00: if I am lucky dinner is ready.... if not I eat cereal. Wash pumping supplies and bottles, and dishes too. Throw in some laundry. Brayden usually vvveeerrrryyy slowly nurses in the evening while I pump the other side.

10ish- go to sleep!

The nights vary greatly..... a good night I get a 4plus hour stretch somewhere in there, and he only wakes once. A bad night is anything else. (dad has not woken with him in an eternity, he rarely even hears us) I dont get nearly enought sleep!

This is what happens every day but wednesdays. And sundays I only work a 8 hour day, so things are a bit more laid back.

His poor eyes!

They got ~burnt out~ this weekend! Early Saturday morning, Danielle watched Brayden. She is 16, and is one of our daycare teachers daughters. She LOVES Brayden, she is so 16, but a great sitter! I didnt have time to change him out of his pj's- so I tossed 4 outfits in the bag, hoping Danielle wouldn't mind picking one and dressing him. (dad was gone for the weekend, I worked) Her mom told me today that she loved choosing his outfit, and took a ton of pictures of him. LOL.

Then Aunt Rochelle picked him up. I thought 12 hours for a 16 year old would be too long of a day. As usual, Aunty RoHo burnt his eyes out too with pictures. He is luckly to be so loved by his Aunt Shel and Uncle Cal, and to have them just a couple miles down the road is a blessing!

BTW, this ~burning his eyes out~ phrase was created by Chris. He was honestly concerned one night when Aunt RoHo was taking so many pictures. LOL.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

big poop stain!

15 minutes before walking out the door to go to work today- Brady treated me to a BIG poop mess! Up the front, the back and out the sides! And he is in #3 diapers- at the low end for weight so they are big on him. I contemplated cutting the onsie off him.... but instead tossed him into the bathtub right away for a good scrubbing. there was poop everywhere!

I didnt have the time to clean up the crib sheets- so that will be a little surprise for Dad to come home too. ;-) When Baby B was just born he pooped almost constantly. Now.... he poops less then once a day and it is an explosion! Supposedly by pooping less often, means the digestive system is learning how to operate.

I have to share one more thing I learned while searching for some info. I was searching for ~why~ BF babies have a reduced chance of SIDS, just for curiosity reasons. I love to learn. One reason is because they get more skin to skin contact and close/cuddle time. Makes sense. The other was...... because they wake more often at night!!!! LOL. (why do I find this humorous? because I am overtired? I find that I crack myself up at myself a lot lately! LOL some more!) Babies quickly and easily digest BM, so they need to eat more often. formula fed babies are not able to digest the formula so easily, and it sits in thier stomach longer so that is why they sleep longer stretches then bf babies.

The more I learn, the more it seems that you can barely compare BF babies to FF babies. sleep patterns.... eating patterns.... eye sight development....

Friday, April 25, 2008

still struggling

I can barely believe that I am 4 months post-baby and I am still struggling with PPD. Big picture- the good days outweigh the bad. But having multiple bad days in a row makes me feel like there is no end to this and I will never be me again. I'm working closely with my dr and therepist, and if I think back to that tearful first visit they did say that this would take months to overcome. I'll just keep on focusing on the positive- that there are more good days then bad. I couldnt say that for the first 6 weeks.

I want to be me for Brayden. He will be a better person because of it.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

make room for Brayden!

One of my goals for my day off yesterday was to make my living/dining room area feel less crowded and make it more livable. Since Baby B entered our lives, our house has gotten quite small! Our living room has his swing, boucy seat and excersaucer taking up space. And the island now has his high chair. Each of those items are used almost daily, and he loves them all. It made no sence to haul that stuff around each day- we want it quickly accesible. So I rearrange the room. Function before fashion! The couch got moved to an outer wall- you can barely see the tv, but we really dont sit and hang in this living room anyway. This room is where we hang with Baby B and let him play while we cook/clean.... if we want to lounge around we go to the downstairs living room. With the couch moved- the area rug is much more open, giving Brayden more room to roll and scooch around. I feel better with it being more wide open.

Tuesday night we had our best night yet! Brayden slept from 10-5! Brayden ate a ton that day too. I fed him twice before daycare. At daycare he ate 32ounces! (normal is 24!) and Chris fed him twice that night- one bottle was 8 ounces! I fed him at bed time too. Dad and I refer to him as "the tank".

Monday, April 21, 2008

wednesday yet?

you will hear that a ton in the next 6 weeks! I am absolutly pooped and ready for my day off! One more day, I can do it!

Almost forgot to mention- it's Brayden's 4 month birthday today! :-) unfortunatly, that means there are more shots just around the corner.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

spring is here!

yay for the weather changing! it's about time! woohoo! Now there is so much work to do in such little time (at work) to get things ready before the customers come. I have a great staff this season- so hopefully that will make up for me not working over 60/week. We just gotta work our bums off while here!

My boys come home tonight! It was a nice weekend without them, but it went by fast. I didnt accomplish nearly what I wanted to, because there just wasnt enough spare time with working so many hours. But still got the laundry folded (Chris LOVES to wash and dry it, then put it in baskets right next to my side of the bed where I will for sure see it and fold it), there was a mountain of it! Thank god we both work blue collar outdoors, we can get away with a couple wrinkles! Did some grocery shopping. Cooked up some pork loins that were just to tough to do anything else with.... so slow cooked them over night and shredded them. yum!!! Sure feels like I spent a ton of time hooked up to my pump though! Down fall of baby being away from me.

Lunch is over- back to work for me!

Friday, April 18, 2008

upcoming weekend

This weekend Chris is taking Brayden to his parents. He is turkey hunting. I have to work some long days, and I am staying home. My first nights away from my little man. Dad will do just fine. It will be an experience for him! It has been ages since he has gotten up at night- he only got up a little in the first couple weeks when my PPD was at it's worse. Since then he hasn't ever gotten up. The last few nights he has heard Brayden waking at crying for his 1am feeding. Good sign, dad is actually hearing the little guy wake!

I packed up a ton of frozen milk for the weekend. Dont really know how much he is gonna eat- so we packd 124 ounces! I'll be the pumping queen this weekend- that part isnt going to be fun. I find pumping to be boring and the undesirable part to breastfeeding. Besides the closeness of bfing.... I hate to say my favorite aspect of bfing is there are no bottles to wash! I also like that I dont have to hold anything- I bottle fed him one night when I walked in the door so dad could do dinner..... that was so boring sitting there holding a bottle! My arm hurt! I can even sleep a bit while bfing- that was my saving grace in those first few weeks.

My gang is feeling better too. I am much better, Chris's cough is going away, and so is Brayden's. He has a goopy eye though, dr. said a clogged tear duct. So, that is nothing to fret about. The nights are getting back to normal in our house now. I am hoping to move back into the bedroom with Chris too! When he starting his hacking cough I moved into the spare room. We have been coughing and ill for over a month now. So long it feels weird going into his bed!

As much as I dont want my boys to leave me for the weekend- I am looking forward to that time alone. Maybe I won't be running around like a chicken this weekend! That will be a fabulous change.

he rolled over!

Brayden rolled over twice last night for the first time! From belly to back! what a big boy he is!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

balancing act

I have been thinking that I need to find that fine balance between work, home, and myself. That if I just get back to that balance, everything will be ok and things will go much more smoothly. Being in bed sick for 5 days I had some time to think. Have I ever really had a balance? No! This is nothing new, not that I just cant find that balance now that I have a kid. Since I have had this job, I have not had any sort of balance in my life.

Let's talk about last year... I was pregnant. Exhausted! My job is on my feet, 60 hours a week in the spring (first trimester!) and 50 in summer and fall. When I wasnt working I was sleeping. I was so exhausted last year. I remember I took one day off last fall for a massage and pedi. that was nice, otherwise there was no me time. Then I had maternity leave.... there was no me time there either because I found this mommy thing to be difficult and I was tired.

In previous years (not pregnant) I worked a ton more hours. More like 70 plus in the spring, 50 in summer, and 60 in the fall each week. In previous years I went thru spring in a haze, only had enough time to eat and sleep besides work- and that wasnt enough either! I just worked way too much. Sure, there was the time off in the winter. But my question is: how do you find balance working a seasonal job? It seems I have given up the "me" part till winter in the past years, and I dont think I can do that anymore. I don't quite know how to fix it either.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

already a tv junkie!

I cnat believe how much brayden likes to watch cartoons! We havent really done anything to encourage this- but we noticed long ago that the tv always caught his attention. Now we will put cartoons on for him and just laugh at him! He is so delighted to be watching, or listening. I dont know what it is... but it is kid programs in specific... oh! and american idol too! He kicks his chunkly little legs, squels, and flaps his arms around.

I am back to work today after 5 days out! Crazy. Dont tell Chris or my mom this... but I am glad I didnt push it and come in yesterday. (they planned behind my back! hide my car keys... I'll show you!). I really did need that one more day to get my fever down and rest because today I never stopped and rested once from 9-2 (my lunch!). So now that I am on lunch I am pooped. It's finally nice out, so we are setting the garden center up.

Monday, April 14, 2008

very fast update

still have a low fever, but I can get rid of it with tylonol. I have been able to move around a bit today too and am not feeling so weak. My throat is much better, I can eat and drink a lot easier. Hopefully I will be going to work tomorrow.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

our update

What a weekend! Friday afternoon we took Brayden the the pedi. He too had a fever. He has an ear infection too, and his throat looks pretty bad. So he is on an antibiotic for ear, throat and eye too! One covers them all- his eye was looking goopy again.

I have had a fever all weekend. Saturday I felt worse then friday, and today I feel worse then today. I went to urgent care. Didnt learn anything new, but they gave me an antibiotic shot. She said my ear is looking good, and my throat is looking horrible and pussy. Lovely, isnt it? Last night my fever was 102.9! I was miserable! Really- the fever is what is causing me not to function and feel weak. I can deal with my ear and throat. Today is my 3rd day of missed work! I am doubtful I will make it tomorrow.

I asked this dr too (asked Dr. Tang friday) what is the best thing for Brayden to be eating. Breastmilk, frozen breastmilk, or formula. Both the Dr.'s said that the fresh BM is the best for him still- even with me on antibiotics, with a fever, strep, and an ear infection (antibiotics are safe for him). He is getting so many antibodies from my milk and me being sick. So that is reassuring. The pedi on friday said that out of the whole family, Brayden looked the healthiest! That made dad and I feel good. He has been such a trooper. I noticed pumping today that I wasnt getting what I usually get- it would be enough to feed him. But my throat hurts so bad I can hardly eat or drink still. So, I have to just keep pounding the liquids.

Dad seems to think he is feeling sicker this weekend. LOL. I have been joking with him today, that with me "down" and sick that I have been hearing more complaints from him. He has been joking about me saying that..... but he is complaining less about his cough. He is stepping up nicely too. When my fever is high I feel too weak and dont want to walk around with Brayden. So dad has been taking care of Brayden mostly, and brings him to me for the feedings. He is making me jello, soup, and grilled cheese sandwiches! He keeps my water filled too. I think he knows it is hard for me to eat and drink, so he is helping me that way. I'm really happy that he is being so helpful and letting me rest. Yes, he has a cough- but that is it. (he is calling his dr. tomorrow!) So, he should be able to help us out. Besides, he is the pro with the boogie sucker!

Friday, April 11, 2008


yes, that is a cus! I am done with being sick. All the sudden last night I got really hot. So I took my temp, and it was 100.4 degrees. I had just taken 3 advil a couple hours before for my mega sore throat. Yesterday my throat was so sore that I could barely eat or drink. So, I didnt want to take Tylonol. Later in the night I got up to feed Brayden, I was soaking from sweating, took tylonol and that lowered my fever.

I stayed home for work and made a dr. appointment. VENT TIME! Just last week I saw Dr. K, with Brayden and he said "just looks like 2 irritated throats, tylonol for brayden and 3 advil for mom". No culture was taken.... and he kind of, in a round about way lectured me for bringing Brady in 3 times in a week. He knew I was nursing because we were doing so in his office. So, today I saw Dr. Tang, who I really like. I have strep throat and an ear infection. He said to avoid the Advil while nursing. Nice, I have been taking 3 of them occassionally.... well often! in the last week. To top it all off, I have probably been spreading strep throat around the state of WI for the past 2 weeks.

Good news, is that infants very rarely get strep, so the LO should avoid it. Chris is just finishing up his round of antibiotics for somehting else, so he is in the clear too.

I am going back to sleep.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

spring? where are you?

it is snowing right now! We have only had 2 decent days so far this "spring". when the weather does break, it is gonna be scary busy at work!

We had our first occurance with Oliver (dog) and Brayden. Brayden was in his papasan chair and Oliver came in for a sniff. Brayden got a handfull of hair and the dog walked away. So, Oliver yelped and brayden was left with a handful of orange hair.

I talked with the LC yesterday about my increasing work load and breastfeeding. I think I have a plan. We'll try it anyway. I will feed him when home, and pump just once at work (pumping more then once a day will be too hard on me! and that one pumping FORCES me to take a much needed break in my busy day). What I get, I get. We will use our massive freezer stash if we are short some milk each day. My hours decrease in early June, that is about when he will start solids so naturally he would be requiring less milk then anyway. So we will see if this works for us. The big thing here, is it is important to me to BF while home, and I think if I quit bf'ing I will be busier at work and less attached to Brayden. This forces that down time and conection between us.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

my speaking event

My speech went well, my voice held up for it too. Today I can barely talk, but I dont really HAVE to talk today.

Chris did well with Brayden till I got home at 8:45. I even got to put him to sleep! That's a mom thing in my house.

Monday, April 7, 2008

lost my voice

figures! I have to give a speech tonight to about 200 ppl and I barely have a voice. I have been resting my voice all day, and I think it is better. I am ready for this sickness to go away already!

So Chris and I chatted a bit on our drive this weekend. That went well. And I found him dealing with Brayden instead of handing him off to me when fussy. He asked me what to do, and I suggested things and he tried them out. I was impressed because I didnt even tell him he should do this! So, I think the boys will be ok.

Grandpa's funeral was nice. The 10 grandkids all got up to share a memory. There were trucking stories, fishing stories, butchering chickes, picking mushrooms (that was mine!), bad shooting stories, and the indian under the rock story. Grandma seemed to be having a nice day. She held Brayden with my help, and I think she knew just who we were! She didnt want to give him up either. Just a few years ago, she was babysitting my sister's kids.

My nephew Jason had his first communion yesterday. We enjoyed the party and spending more time with him and his sisters.

I best go practice my presentation silently.

Friday, April 4, 2008

dont know how I am gonna do this.

I have not showered since tuesday. I ate a left over chicken breast and m&m's for dinner at 8:30 last night. My teeth didnt get brushed last night. My hair is always in a pony tail, and there is no make up on me EVER! I am so tired I cant do basic math. I have to leave myself notes like "told dana I would take lunch at 11 today". and I have only been at work monday, thursday and today. As soon as this weather breaks I will be at work way more! I dont know how I am gonna do it.

Brayden and I are both going to the dr. today. I have a mega sore throat still. i think he does too. So, I really hope we all feel better soon. Next week I work 5, 10 hour days. Then after next week (if the weather breaks) I add an 8 hour day to that. I hope that with in this sort of chaos.

Last night I was supposed to work till 6. Aunt RoHo and Uncle CalHo were supposed to watch brayden till I got home around 7. Chris was gonna drop him off around 5:45 because he had a meeting last night. Well, at 5 chris called me FREAKING out. he said Brady was just freaking and would not eat- I had to come home right now. Said he had to go, I told him to call shel and ask her to come help, and he hung up! So I frantically left work in a panic. Called on my way (10 minutes later) and Shel was there- she said it was all under control. for some reason he would not drink the breastmilk.... too cold? too warm? sour? tasted funny? reminded him of his mom and wanted her not the bottle? we dont know why. But he took a bottle of formula instead. When I arrive home at 6, all was peaceful. Shel and Cal didnt have to watch him anymore. He wanted to nurse, and leisurely did so till 8:30! Then I finally ate the fastest thing I could and crashed. We woke 4 times last night to feed every 2 hours. I was 30 minutes late for work today.

Daddy and I are gonna chat about calling me like that and leaving me hanging! Inconsiderate!

Thursday, April 3, 2008

bbbbbbaaaaadddd night

holy crap am I tired. Brayden choose not to nap at daycare, then fell asleep at 5pm. woke at 8 to eat, then again at midnight. He would not go back to sleep after taht feeding! i tried my best to get him to sleep for 2 hours, then gave it up and did the laundry while he played on his playmat. I got him back to sleep at 3:30. So... I slept from 9-12, then 4-5:30. hope to get him back on his schedule again soon. doesnt help that I dont feel well, and neither does dad.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

36 washclothes

We got a ton of washclothes as shower gifts. 36 to be exact, and I never thought we would ever use 36 of them. So I rolled them up in a basket and decorated with them in the bathroom. I stand corrected- the basket is empty! With the pink eye, in just over 24 hours we went thru 36 washclothes!

house of sickies

this is getting rediculous! Chris is at the dr. right now... he has been sick for probaly 6 weeks now. I feel like crap- very sore throat and a mega achey neck. I took smiley to daycare, they missed him in the last 24 hours. I hope to rest and get some work done today. He isnt looking so rough anymore. The snotty nose, and goopy eyes were not pretty- but he still managed a few smiles. His eyes have really cleared up nicely, and he isnt so snotty. He is launching spit up, he does this when he gets a snotty nose... you can see the mucus in the spit up.

This has been a crabby house too- so I am ready for it to be over with! When momma is sick, she still has to pull her weight- up at night and early with the baby, lunches packed, and dishes done... when daddy is sick, well you know the rest. ;-)

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

fine last night, and pink eye today!

Dr. C is thinking that I just want to see him more then once a week! Nice guy and all, but a little too old for me. ;-) Brady was absolutly fine last night, his eyes were a little pink but we thought he was just very tired. Woke up this morning and they were crusted shut! I feel bad.... at 2am when he woke to eat- I changed his diaper and fed him in the dark. At 5am when he woke to eat again, his eye was crusty. I cleaned it up, fed him and put him back to sleep. I woke him at 6:45 to change his clothes and take him to daycare- and his eye was mega crusted shut!

So, we got to the dr. by 8:45, and got meds in his eye by 9:30. We are home, and I have work to do! He can go to daycare after 9:30 tomorrow.

Childhood germs- gotta love them. AFter today, dad is gonna have to take a sick day and stay home with him when something like this comes up again. I got lucky, that the weather is bad.... the garden center opened today- but I am thinking we wont be flooded with customers- so I could stay home today. Next 2 months, dad will have to!