Sunday, June 29, 2008


I have been trying to figure out how, and when I can be happy. Why am I not happy with my life? And what do I need to do so I am? Why is it so hard? Is it that I have a different outlook on life.

I strive for happiness. Sometimes I say that I demand happiness in my life and I won't settle or just pass the time. Is this a bad quality in me?

There just has to be more to my life then scurrying around like a chicken with my head cut off between the shifts I work. Is it that I work a seasonal job where 100% of sales are made between april and october; and about 75% of those are in just 3 short months? Between April and October I barely ever work a week under 50 hours, and have 1.5 hours of drive time in my day. Am I just supposed to postpone life till the off season? Sure, on average my goal for this year is to work 40 hours per week. So you add up all the hours I work in the entire year, and devide that by 52 weeks, and hope to get 40. That means I put in over 60.week in spring, 50plus the rest of the growing season. Or is it that my job is just too demanding all around? Having to manage an entire store while I am freaking exhausted.

I dont know what change I should make, and will that in turn result in happiness? Moving closer to work would give me more time. Working less hours will give me more time, but maybe more stress at work. I think having more to life then work and the day to day scurry is important. like hobbies! but I cant image doing anything like that these days.

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