Over the weekend my mom, and neice Taylor came to visit/help out. My sister and other neice were supposed to come too- but neice Breanna had a fever. We had a nice weekend and restocked the cupboards! that was the big thing.
We also browsed for a coming home outfit. I was thinking of picking up a pink NB outfit, and also taking one of brady's NB outfits too. Somehow a neutral one got held up- and B got all exctied because it had a "duck duck" on it! And he held it saying Baby. So cute. Sure it wasnt pink- but we just had to get it as the coming home outfit. Considering B wont be able to come to the hospital this "duck duck" outfit will be perfect for B to meet the baby in.
I am not nervous or anxious about the birth of the baby. Very hopeful for a v-bac, quite determined really. And I like to say my due date is between today and the next 28 days (42wks). Makes me think I can hang in there for the long haul. So far there is no reason why I cant, blood pressure is still good. :) I am in a much better place mentally right now then I was when I was pregnant with B. Makes me happy I decided to continue treatment for depression and anxiety thru the pregnancy, I was a basketcase last time!
I am nervous about having a new baby. I really didnt like the baby thing last night. Wondering if I will be able to handle all the stresses that come with a new baby. It was so unbearably hard when B was born. The whole next year was the worst year of my life because of my mental state. Hopefully I wont have a repeat of that, I dont think I can bear it again.
Showing posts with label PPD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label PPD. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Anxiety and Allergies
As you may remember, I chose to remain on my depression/anxiety medication thru this pregnancy. I had such severe PPD w/ Brady, and between the doctors (pshych, OB and pedi) we all agreed the benefits of the medications outweigh the risks.
Up until the last couple weeks I have been doing fabulous! When I see my Pshych dr I fill out this form and it gets scored. For 3 months I scored perfectly (which is rare and awesome! but I decided the planned course was still the way to go), last month I did just a little worse, but felt I could manage my symptoms, and today I scored even worse. Not horrible bad, but very bad on the anxiety side of things. Today my dr (Dr. Shah at Marshfield Clinic, who I highly reccommend to women!!!) wasnt available, I have always seen her, she has to be the best Dr. I have ever seen in terms of taking the time to tell me the pros and cons of things, giving me her honest opinion when I ask, just all around great. So I saw her PA, she basically took down my information, and was going to have Dr. Shah contact me later today. No problem, I'll work with it.
The PA pulled up my records and noticed that between Sept. 5 and Sept 15 for the past 3 years I have been complaining of increased anxiety. also, that is the time frame I have started Zertec for allergies. I have been on zertec for years for fall allergies and the thought has never crossed my mind that there could be a relation between the two.
Starting last thursday I have been way short of breath (read post below). At this point I was already feeling some anxiety too. Tuesday I started the allergy meds and started breathing better, but my anxiety has been way high. So, the plan is to go off the allergy meds, not increase the meds for anxiety just yet, and find a way to breath better. First Im trying benedryl, hoping that wont make me too tired. If that doesnt help, then we'll try something new.
In the meantime, it will feel like I live at the clinic. Every 2 weeks for OB, every 2 weeks for phsych. In the meantime I have a derm appointment too. More then likely, at the end of this pregnancy I will be going every week for both departments.
Up until the last couple weeks I have been doing fabulous! When I see my Pshych dr I fill out this form and it gets scored. For 3 months I scored perfectly (which is rare and awesome! but I decided the planned course was still the way to go), last month I did just a little worse, but felt I could manage my symptoms, and today I scored even worse. Not horrible bad, but very bad on the anxiety side of things. Today my dr (Dr. Shah at Marshfield Clinic, who I highly reccommend to women!!!) wasnt available, I have always seen her, she has to be the best Dr. I have ever seen in terms of taking the time to tell me the pros and cons of things, giving me her honest opinion when I ask, just all around great. So I saw her PA, she basically took down my information, and was going to have Dr. Shah contact me later today. No problem, I'll work with it.
The PA pulled up my records and noticed that between Sept. 5 and Sept 15 for the past 3 years I have been complaining of increased anxiety. also, that is the time frame I have started Zertec for allergies. I have been on zertec for years for fall allergies and the thought has never crossed my mind that there could be a relation between the two.
Starting last thursday I have been way short of breath (read post below). At this point I was already feeling some anxiety too. Tuesday I started the allergy meds and started breathing better, but my anxiety has been way high. So, the plan is to go off the allergy meds, not increase the meds for anxiety just yet, and find a way to breath better. First Im trying benedryl, hoping that wont make me too tired. If that doesnt help, then we'll try something new.
In the meantime, it will feel like I live at the clinic. Every 2 weeks for OB, every 2 weeks for phsych. In the meantime I have a derm appointment too. More then likely, at the end of this pregnancy I will be going every week for both departments.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
He and I are so intertwined
I think I mentioned recently that this is the BEST I have felt in a long time in reference to my post partum depression (PPD). Lately I have been thinking about my journey in the last year, and have realized it is so intertwined with Brady's sleep patterns.
In the first 8 weeks or so, things were the worst for me, he didnt sleep worth a hoot and woke every couple hours and was clingy. Then I hit a milestone w/ PPD, started liking and bonding with Brady and he then started to sleep better.
Then thru the next 8 months or so my PPD weaved up and down giving me hard times and good times and Brady's sleep seemed to weave with it. There were times when my attitude and love towards him was high (that has been constant since about 8 weeks), but my self worth was in the dumps and he would become clingy and not wanting to sleep.
In the last month I have made huge progress, and in return Brady has started sleeping nicely in the last couple weeks.
It is just crazy how the 2 of us are so connected in ways that I will never understand.
In the first 8 weeks or so, things were the worst for me, he didnt sleep worth a hoot and woke every couple hours and was clingy. Then I hit a milestone w/ PPD, started liking and bonding with Brady and he then started to sleep better.
Then thru the next 8 months or so my PPD weaved up and down giving me hard times and good times and Brady's sleep seemed to weave with it. There were times when my attitude and love towards him was high (that has been constant since about 8 weeks), but my self worth was in the dumps and he would become clingy and not wanting to sleep.
In the last month I have made huge progress, and in return Brady has started sleeping nicely in the last couple weeks.
It is just crazy how the 2 of us are so connected in ways that I will never understand.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
my update for the week
I have been a little MIA this week, I normally blog almost daily. So here is all what is up......
Mom and Dad came for dinner last night. They were in town for a meeting. It was nice to see them, and they spent some time with little B too. Just a couple more weeks we will see them again! The month of dec. is nice, we get to see my family a lot!
The economy is absolutly freaking me out. Combine that with Christmas and I have to consciencely make an effort not to have an anxiety attack. I feel the anxiety start to creep over me, however I am proud to say I am coping well and not letting it get out of hand.
This morning I saw my pshych dr. So I got to take some time and evaluate me and my ppd. I am happy to report that this is the most ME that I have been in a long time. We decided to stick with my currant dosage of Zoloft and re-evaluate things in 3 months, maybe then I will be ready to decrease the dose, not quite ready yet. Finally I am enjoying things in life like I used to. Sure, I am a different person then who I was b4 brady, but I am once again that positive, spunky, happy person that I really am. Hmm... it may be time to change my "about me" paragraph for this blog.... things are starting to come together. :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
I also got to see little Miss Erin today. She is so cute and chunky! I had to borrow her bottom to try my diaper on her. She is about 4 months I think..... and cooing and smiling. precious! Anywho, I do have to make some revisions to my diaper to fit a smaller baby.
Mom and Dad came for dinner last night. They were in town for a meeting. It was nice to see them, and they spent some time with little B too. Just a couple more weeks we will see them again! The month of dec. is nice, we get to see my family a lot!
The economy is absolutly freaking me out. Combine that with Christmas and I have to consciencely make an effort not to have an anxiety attack. I feel the anxiety start to creep over me, however I am proud to say I am coping well and not letting it get out of hand.
This morning I saw my pshych dr. So I got to take some time and evaluate me and my ppd. I am happy to report that this is the most ME that I have been in a long time. We decided to stick with my currant dosage of Zoloft and re-evaluate things in 3 months, maybe then I will be ready to decrease the dose, not quite ready yet. Finally I am enjoying things in life like I used to. Sure, I am a different person then who I was b4 brady, but I am once again that positive, spunky, happy person that I really am. Hmm... it may be time to change my "about me" paragraph for this blog.... things are starting to come together. :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
I also got to see little Miss Erin today. She is so cute and chunky! I had to borrow her bottom to try my diaper on her. She is about 4 months I think..... and cooing and smiling. precious! Anywho, I do have to make some revisions to my diaper to fit a smaller baby.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
It's me in there!
I think that increased dose of meds is just what I needed. About 2 weeks ago, I was at my worst in regards to PPD. My dr. bumped up my dose a bigger jump then normal- and for the last week or so I have been feeling like myself again. Gosh, I havent been me or probably over 6 months. I think I started having issues before Brayden was born.
I didnt realize how I was still not quite me, even though I thought I was. hope that makes sence! I notice that I am taking care of myself better because I want to. There is still some progress to make yet, but happy to finally be where I am not.
I didnt realize how I was still not quite me, even though I thought I was. hope that makes sence! I notice that I am taking care of myself better because I want to. There is still some progress to make yet, but happy to finally be where I am not.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
OK, I can talk about it now.
For those of you wondering why I have been MIA or distant, this may explain lots of things. It feels good to talk about my feelings and thoughts too.
Right after Brady was born, I got a good case of Baby Blues, at least that is what I thought they were. I cried for no reason at all. That is how it was at first, but gradually each day I felt worse and worse. Two weeks after his birth Chris and I decided I should see a Dr. because we wondering if it wasnt PPD (post partum depression). Now, please dont judge me or say cruel things- I want to say what I was feeling when things were the worst. Honestly, I didnt want Brady (no, I wasnt going to hurt him- I knew this was a temporary feeling). I felt like life was just fine without out him, why did we try so hard to bring this sort of stress and tourmoil into our lives? I had not bonded with Brady much either. I thought that your baby is born, they dr hands him./her to you and you are in complete love with your baby. It was nt like that for me. For the first couple weeks, I nursed Brady and passed him off to dad. I could not handle being alone with Brady and felt like I was a bad mom and I could not decide what to do next with brady (change him, feed him....). I also felt very ripped off because I had a c-section and Brady's birth day was nothing like I had expected it to be. I never really got the chance to become OK with having the c-section, I just got thrown into the operating room 30 minutes after we decided to do it. Of course, after baby is here you really dont get much of a chance to think about yourself either and regroup your own thoughts.
I talked to a therepist, and that helped tremendously to hear that it is ok to feel like I do and some things take time. I see her again shortly. The dr. also prescribed me an anti-depressant (it is completely safe for Brady breastfeeding, we talked to the psych dr, my ob, and brady's pedi about that and feel confident that meds are what WE need- they all said if I dont get better and bond and love brady he will be far worse off in the future then taking a drug that has no known effect in the breastmilk). The therepist also talked to Chris and explained so much to him and told him just to listen to me and dont try to fix things. Chris has been so helpful thru all of this.
So, I take things day by day. Hour by hour. I survived 2 days with Chris at work! And I am starting to bond and fall in love with Brady. It's all gonna take some time, but I am already happy we sought help for me.
Right after Brady was born, I got a good case of Baby Blues, at least that is what I thought they were. I cried for no reason at all. That is how it was at first, but gradually each day I felt worse and worse. Two weeks after his birth Chris and I decided I should see a Dr. because we wondering if it wasnt PPD (post partum depression). Now, please dont judge me or say cruel things- I want to say what I was feeling when things were the worst. Honestly, I didnt want Brady (no, I wasnt going to hurt him- I knew this was a temporary feeling). I felt like life was just fine without out him, why did we try so hard to bring this sort of stress and tourmoil into our lives? I had not bonded with Brady much either. I thought that your baby is born, they dr hands him./her to you and you are in complete love with your baby. It was nt like that for me. For the first couple weeks, I nursed Brady and passed him off to dad. I could not handle being alone with Brady and felt like I was a bad mom and I could not decide what to do next with brady (change him, feed him....). I also felt very ripped off because I had a c-section and Brady's birth day was nothing like I had expected it to be. I never really got the chance to become OK with having the c-section, I just got thrown into the operating room 30 minutes after we decided to do it. Of course, after baby is here you really dont get much of a chance to think about yourself either and regroup your own thoughts.
I talked to a therepist, and that helped tremendously to hear that it is ok to feel like I do and some things take time. I see her again shortly. The dr. also prescribed me an anti-depressant (it is completely safe for Brady breastfeeding, we talked to the psych dr, my ob, and brady's pedi about that and feel confident that meds are what WE need- they all said if I dont get better and bond and love brady he will be far worse off in the future then taking a drug that has no known effect in the breastmilk). The therepist also talked to Chris and explained so much to him and told him just to listen to me and dont try to fix things. Chris has been so helpful thru all of this.
So, I take things day by day. Hour by hour. I survived 2 days with Chris at work! And I am starting to bond and fall in love with Brady. It's all gonna take some time, but I am already happy we sought help for me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)